Father’s day is Sunday. It’s now Friday. I started asking about Father’s day plans of my two local brothers about three weeks ago. I got no response, so I pushed the subject again last Friday.
Background… Hub and I usually do Mother’s day here at our house for his and my mothers and for all our local siblings. We generally do brunch, because that’s what our moms like to eat. For Father’s day, we usually go out because my Dad likes to eat foods we don’t usually cook at home. It’s generally my married brother’s job to arrange Father’s day because Hub and I do so much for Mother’s day.
I eat gluten free. My married brother’s wife has a lot of food issues, in that she eats nothing. I have no idea how she maintains her weight, but she eats nothing. She’s allergic to olive oil, and in the past couple of years she says she’s not eating meat…well, except for hot dogs and chicken. And she doesn’t eat fish. And she doesn’t eat most vegetables. For those still paying attention, 90% of pasta (which is something she’ll eat) or pizza (another thing she’ll eat) is made with olive oil when it’s mass produced.
So I started pushing my brother about Father’s day. He spent Saturday morning with my father but “forgot” to ask what he wanted to do about Father’s day, considering we’re all still struggling with the loss of my mother. When he finally asked Monday night by phone, my father said, “Whatever you kids want to do. I’d prefer to eat out, but we can eat at home, too.” (Btw, eat at home means Hub and I cook, because my married brother and his wife a) don’t cook and b) never have us over to their house. One time in the 10 years they’ve lived there we ate there, but MY husband grilled the food. And the rest of us prepared it in their kitchen once we arrived.)
So now it’s Tuesday and we’re chatting online about where to go for Father’s day. Lots of places around here are going to be mobbed, but even worse, my SIL doesn’t eat anything. So there are few places they go out to eat, even though they eat out more than they eat at home. We ran through a bunch of places, but most of them either have nothing for me to eat or nothing for her to eat. So I suggest a local diner, which has a MASSIVE menu. My brother says he’ll check with his wife. This is Tuesday after lunchtime. Wednesday at lunch, I email him to ask what the answer is about the diner, because if it’s not the diner, we have to figure something else out. And if the answer is eat at home (which my dad doesn’t REALLY want to do), then I need to plan and get out and buy food. Which I TELL him in the email.
NOW it’s Friday morning and I get an email from my brother saying his wife has “tried” the diner with a friend and it made her sick. So that’s out. And it’s FRIDAY MORNING and now what?
I seriously wrote like four emails, and attempted to write four different messages in chat, and I sent none of them. I’m so angry that when I got dressed this morning (after reading the email) I forgot I put on deodorant and I put it on again. I’m so angry that when I come downstairs and tell Hub what’s going on, I end up crying. I’m SO ANGRY that I finally tell my brothers to do whatever, that I’ll eat NOTHING at the restaurant because this is FATHER’S day and Dad should eat food he likes. (Do you think my SIL offers the same? No. And as for more background, at least 50% of the time she is supposed to do something with us, she doesn’t show up because she’s “not feeling well”. So we go through all this shit about what she can or will eat and then she doesn’t bother to show up…)
So my married brother suggests a burger place. Which I am just flummoxed by, because we could make fucking hamburgers at home (which we did three weeks ago for Memorial day when the my aunt and uncle came to join us). My father likes seafood and pork and bacon and sausages…stuff he doesn’t eat at home. So my married brother says, “why don’t we just get together and eat dessert?” My father doesn’t eat dessert. He likes to binge on fatty fried fun foods, not dessert. Where has my brother been? Does he not KNOW my father? No, the answer is, he’s thinking what is easiest for him, not what my father wants or likes. My married brother suggests we go out early Saturday evening to avoid crowds, despite the fact that I told him that Hub has to work Saturday afternoon. Because it’s all about him and his wife and her issues, not anyone else.
It’s now closing in on noon and we’re no closer to an answer. No one is saying anything anymore. I’ve already told Hub that if this keeps up, he and I are going to get barbecue take-out with all kinds of food that Dad likes, and bring it over to his house Sunday for dinner. And screw the rest of them who don’t like or can’t eat that food. Because I’m so over this. Why am I bending myself into a pretzel for them when it’s supposed to be about my father?
SO OVER IT.