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Whole30 end of days, or…?

So yesterday was our official 30th day of Whole30. Hub and I had several conversations over the weekend about what we are going to do, one of which was kind of an argument. During which Hub told me he never wanted to do this, that I made him do it.

WHUT.

I originally started discussing this with him weeks before we started, and he said if I was going to do it, he was going to do it with me. He said he had hoped it would break some of his bad habits and help him get on track to eating in a more healthy fashion. Now he says this was all my doing and he never wanted to be involved…and he was angry that I seemed to be “bait and switching” him in the last week of the program. In that, I started asking him if he was thinking of how he was going to maintain any of the new habits he had created or if he was going to go back to his old habits. He said, “You said this was only thirty days and now you’re acting like we’re going to eat this way forever!”

*sigh*

I said I wasn’t saying that at all, only that after all the hard work he went through to make all these changes, why would he let that all go and fall back into all the old habits he had. As addicted to sugar and carbs as he was, I was SHOCKED at how well he did getting off all gluten grains and sugar. If that was so successful, why would he go back to eating and drinking all that sugar? Yes, if you want something, eat it consciously, knowing what you are doing. Not mindlessly because that’s what you’ve always done and without any enjoyment of the actual thing you’re eating. I told him, if I want ice cream, I’m gonna eat it. But I’m gonna do it when I want it, not every time we pass an ice cream shop because it’s RIGHT THERE.

He was really mad, but I’m not entirely sure he was mad at me. When we went to the store the next day, we were looking for sausages for him and the ones we saw had sugar in them. I asked him which flavor he wanted and he said no, he didn’t want any of them because they had added sugar. So after all that argument and him blaming me for everything, he’s decided to pay attention to what he’s eating still? I really had hoped this would allow him to modify his eating patterns, not that he give everything up altogether, you know? It’s where I wanted to be, so I thought he would feel the same way.

He said he doesn’t want to have to think about food choices like this. That it’s too hard. I told him I live like this every day because of what I have to eliminate from my diet. That it’s hard, but sometimes we have to do that kind of thing. He’s never had to. Even with cheese, he can eat it to a point, but in excess it gives him stomach issues. So he just eats it and gets sick sometimes and doesn’t get sick other times and oh well! He has diabetes, but he told me it “wasn’t that bad” on a scale of diabetes. Ignoring the fact that he’s on three different diabetes medications to keep him below an 8 A1C…which he’s only a sneeze below. And even the medications are barely working, as his A1C has been rising until this last blood test, where it fell 3/10ths of a percent, to like 7.6. Maybe if he were able to change his eating habits, he’d be able to get off one or two of the meds and find a better way to handle the diabetes. But he doesn’t care and isn’t interested. Or is he? I don’t fucking know anymore.

I told him I’m not going to tell him what to eat. I didn’t do it before this program and I’m not going to afterwards. I thought he wanted to make a change since he was willing to join me in the program, but now I’m not sure. And all I can do is pay attention to what I’m doing and hope things work for me.

Let’s NOT EVEN discuss that he lost 10 pounds in the 30 days and I lost NOTHING. Jerk.

We’re supposed to be considering re-introduction to the food groups we eliminated. I’ve been having some stomach issues the last two days–despite not changing any of my freaking foods–so I’m waiting at least a day or two before making any re-introductions. I don’t want to go into the “test” phase already f’d up.

So I lost no weight, no mood differences, I don’t have any increased energy, my stomach and digestion was no different, I didn’t sleep any better, and my overall pain did not change. Pre- re-introduction. Yay.

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Whole30 week 3 done

Blerg.

I don’t feel any differently than before I started, except today I had a weird snack-attack. I’m not sure what it stemmed from and I tried to make my way through it by sticking to the “program” and attempting to eat a “small meal” rather than an actual snack. Then I got partway through the food and I was feeling uncomfortable in my stomach. So I put the food back in the fridge for later, but at the moment I still feel kind of full and bloated. Not sure I’ll be eating dinner or not…Hub is out for most of the evening doing some work stuff, so I’m on my own.

The “program” says that by this time I should be feeling “Tiger’s blood” and be full of energy. Big N-O on that. And despite the “program” purporting otherwise, I have no reduction in my aches and pains…and in fact I’ve gotten a new foot pain that has bothered me enough that I asked my massage therapist if she can squeeze me in tomorrow for an hour to take a look…or a feel, even.

We’ve continued with our food planning, but this weekend we didn’t do a big cook like the previous two weekends. Of course we had just cooked a whole chicken Saturday night, so maybe that counts. Plus, it’s meatloaf tomorrow night, which will give us a bunch of usable leftovers.

Although we are not supposed to look, I have been keep track of my weight. Initially, I lost three pounds the first week, but I’ve since put it back on. Not really sure what that was about. Lots of people said they lost weight, even though the “program” says it isn’t really for weight loss.

I don’t sleep any better and in fact have struggled to fall asleep during these weeks. Some of that might be the excess pain I’ve been dealing with. I just can’t get comfortable these days. It sucks.

That’s pretty much it. Today’s been a crap day…PT was a bitch for my shoulder. Despite my increased functionality and range–to some extent–the pain has not reduced. It’s very frustrating. The PT keeps telling me I’m improving and doing well, but my pain is still there and so I feel kind of defeated.

Blerg.

 

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Whole30 week two

I’m a little bit late on the Whole30 end of week two update. Mostly because, well, there’s not much to update. I don’t feel any differently than I did before, except I’m still dealing with some milder heartburn symptoms. Getting rid of the avocado products helped a lot, but now I’m kind of wondering if the almond butter is bothering me. So I’ve stopped eating that at this point.

Also, despite it being a big deal on the plan, I’m just not able to eat within an hour of getting up in the morning. I don’t feel hungry and eating after getting up makes me feel yucky. Some mornings I push myself to eat something, but most mornings I don’t. I’m not sure if that’s seriously messing up my benefits of the Whole30, but I’m doing the best I can.

We are eating a lot more fruits and vegetables and I hope that continues past the thirty days. I also hope that Hub will continue on with a cut-back of his breads and sugary carbs now that he’s out of the habit of eating them every day (and almost every meal).

I’m still having some stomach pains, so I don’t feel like the Whole30 has resolved that as of yet. I don’t feel more energy or less pain. Maybe it’s still too early, maybe this won’t help me at all. Maybe I won’t see real benefits until I start reintroducing food categories, I don’t know.

Food planning has definitely been a big deal and to some extent we seem to be getting a bit better at it. I’d like to take that with us past the thirty days but I’m not sure it will happen. We literally have a calendar sitting on the kitchen table to look at daily.

I don’t miss eating out (but I didn’t do it that often anyway). I do miss going out with my family to dinner on Friday nights. I miss gelato when I want it. And I miss stopping somewhere with Hub to get a treat when we’re out and about. Otherwise, I don’t miss anything in particular, which I guess is good.

So this is where we are. And two more weeks to go.

 

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2017 in anxiety, change, food, hub, pain, Whole30

 

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Whole30 Week One done

I’m not going to do a big thing on the Whole30 unless something major pops up. As of right now, I feel pretty shitty. Some of that I can attribute to the Whole30, some of it is from what has been going on with me in general prior to the Whole30.

Relating to the Whole30, everything I’ve read says you feel worse before you feel better. Well, yay. Seems to be spot-on for me. What wasn’t spot-on was some odd urge to “kill everything” at one point in the last week…Whole30 “timelines” say that is supposed to happen. WTH?

I haven’t had heartburn issues in a while, but I’m definitely having them now. It’s not the classic burning, but it’s the tight throat, sore throat, the cough, the heavy chest, the burping. Along with that, my chest muscles hurt from the cough and silent heartburn, and I hate it when I get this. Chest muscle pain drives my anxiety right up to the roof. I’m only hanging on to my sanity over it because I just had all the cardiology tests recently, and I’m reminding myself that I know these symptoms from prior heartburn episodes.

I’m also having lots of joint pain and muscle issues, which I assume are related to this early portion of the Whole30. Headaches, more at the end of the day than at the beginning. I can’t tell if I’m fatigued, because…well, yeah.

And I’m having stomach pain. It’s not a new pain, but for the last day and half it’s been pretty bad. I’m thinking it might be from either the almond butter or the apple (or maybe the cherries??) I ate during one of the last two days, as those are the only “weird” things I’ve eaten.

It’s frustrating that we’re doing all these changes, making so much effort, and I feel worse. I understand that there’s a “detox” stage, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.

Meanwhile, I’m SO BORED with the veggies we’ve been eating, which has basically consisted of broccoli and cauliflower. Now, on a normal basis, that’s what we eat because that’s what Hub eats in the way of veggies. I’m generally okay with that because that’s a dinnertime thing. But on the Whole30, you are told to eat veggies at every meal, including “Meal 1” (which is breakfast-time)…which means I’m freaking eating broccoli and cauliflower all the damn time. I’ve tried to intersperse some salad, too, and when there was a beef-veggie soup available, I ate that for breakfast (but Hub takes that to work so I need to make sure he has that available for him). We’ve got turkey soup, now, so maybe that’ll be what I eat for breakfast tomorrow… Tonight, it’s fresh baby spinach…thank goodness! Also, without any kind of “normal” condiments (everything has added sugar), I’ve been eating Whole30 approved dressings and mayonnaise. The one mayo I’ve tried so far (I LOVE MAYO…hellman’s…) is kinda gross. It’s an avocado mayo and it has some sort of taste that is bugging me. Unfortunately, it was on sale when Hub found it, so he bought 3. Fortunately, a) they are small-ish jars and b) if I put yellow mustard with it, then it’s tolerable. I didn’t think I’d miss sauces as much as I do (which isn’t a ton, it’s just one of those things…) but I’m managing.

I’ll have an update on my health / doctor’s tests hopefully in the next post. I see the allergist tomorrow morning, and then the neuro Wednesday evening.

 

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Exclude me?

My last appointment with T, I was telling her how horrible I’ve been feeling physically again. Among the conversation–other than grief and emotional issues–she mentioned that she had gone onto an exclusion type of diet. She’s been having some gastro issues, along with her fibro and post-shingles issue. I don’t know how SHE got onto the idea of doing a food change, but she mentioned to me that she was doing it and how well it was working for her.

I have already eliminated gluten due to a wheat allergy. In the past three months or so, I have cut out a majority of dairy in the form of cheese (I could never have imagined!), though I have not been entirely strict about it. Mostly I cut cheese out because I felt like I was eating it daily because I was accustomed to eating it and not so much because I was enjoying it. So I have changed to eating cheese when I want it–which isn’t as much as I had thought–and similarly with other dairy items. Again, I didn’t cut it all out, I just cut back a lot. Maybe 70% less than before.

The exclusion diet that T had been trying was something called the Whole30. I’ve been reading about it and learning the rules, and Hub and I have decided to give it a try. What makes it less…stressful, is that they suggest you do this for 30 days and then start re-introducing “non-compliant” foods one at a time to see what kind of reactions you have. When I say “reactions” this time, I mean physical and emotional reactions, as well as digestive/allergic reactions. Apparently Whole30 excludes all grains (including corn), legumes, dairy, certain oils, and added sugars (no matter if it’s real or fake sugars). They also urge people to eat as clean as possible, with organic (and hormone-free, and non-gmo, and humanely raised) meats, fruits, and veggies. Of course that can be difficult for a lot of people, both in terms of access and budget, so they suggest you do the best you can within your circumstances.

Generally speaking, Hub and I eat pretty balanced meals at dinner. We cook a lot, mostly because of my wheat issues and Hub’s diabetes. What will be more difficult is breakfast (which I don’t eat and I have a tolerance issue with eggs, which mostly is what they recommend for breakfast) and lunch. I don’t eat or like breakfast foods, so I am concerned about how to handle that. I eat split pea soup with mushrooms every day for lunch, with little variation. It keeps my bowels working well and it also means I don’t have to THINK about what to eat every day. On the Whole30, no legumes means no split peas. Hub eats a lot of dairy and lots of bread (and grains) and cereal, especially for breakfast. He eats lunch out when he’s at the office more than he takes food from home, which means more adjustments for him.

Although I’m worried about what I’m going to eat, I feel like it’s going to be easier for me in most instances than for Hub. I don’t eat out nearly as much as he does (mostly once a week so we can spend time with my father), I don’t eat hardly any bread–and can give up the stuff I eat without any problem–and I don’t eat cereal. I can more easily adjust to eating no added sugar because I don’t add sugar to anything except tea, which I rarely drink. (And when I say no added sugar, I mean NO SUGAR in any ingredient in any form in any item with the exception of naturally occurring sugar in whole foods.) And I think I can adapt my “first meal” of the day more easily than Hub, because I’ll just eat leftovers from one of our dinners. Also, I don’t get bored with food to the point that I won’t EAT the leftover food. I’ll just eat it because it’s easy, but Hub will turn his nose up at it if he’s “bored”.

We’ve already started a menu for the first week, at least for dinner and for Hub’s lunches. I’ll probably eat more salad than I have in recent months, because I’ll put leftover proteins on a salad and eat it that way with homemade oil and balsamic dressing, or homemade mayonnaise (or I’ve found “compliant” avocado mayo).

The Whole30 says no snacking because if you’re hungry in between meals then you’re not eating the right amount of proteins and fats with your meals. Lots of people in videos basically said they snacked on veggies or protein snacks when they thought they were hangry in between meals. Again, the idea of the Whole30 is supposed to be “resetting” your mindset when it comes to what you’re eating and why you’re eating it. Some people do the Whole30 because they have a kind of addiction to food, or an unhealthy relationship with food (hello! right here!), while others use it to figure out what might be bothering them physically or emotionally.

T told me she had tons more energy, stopped using antacids, her fibro pain was reduced, and her post-shingles pain was reduced. A lot of people I’ve seen on youtube or read on blogs have had similar responses, with reduced pain, reduced inflammation, and better gastro symptoms, better sleep, better energy while on the Whole30.

It’s going to take a lot of planning and forethought for us, which is difficult because a lot of evenings we’re kind of like scrambling for dinner…and we never have lunches or breakfasts pre-planned. We’ve never planned out meals for the week on a Sunday, or cooked lots of meals in advance… We’ll see how it goes. We’ve been talking a lot about it for the last two weeks (we wanted to wait until after the wedding to start, because eating out is nearly impossible to do on the Whole30 plan), and hope that we’re doing enough planning to make it through the month. I really want to try because if there’s some kind of foods that are bothering me and causing me this hideous fatigue, I want to know. If it isn’t rooted in food, then I can move on from that.

I do see an allergist in the middle of August, so I hope to eliminate that possibility as well. The neuro test isn’t until the first week of September, so that’s kind of a long wait for me, which sucks. Until then I have to just keep pressing on, and rest when I can’t do anything else. *sigh*

 

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Jet plane, day 1

We dropped Hub off this morning at 4:15am for his flight. After I got home and let the dogs out, I instant messaged with Hub until he boarded the plane at 5:45. By then I’d already fed the dogs and gotten back into bed. I dozed for a few hours, then got up and went about my day. For the most part I felt like Hub was at work and I allowed myself to just be that way. I’ve almost read two books and I pretty much had movies on the TV all day, although mostly they were movies I’d already seen. I had Mama Mia! on the TV maybe three times at random points through the movie, because I like singing those songs and they passed the time more easily. Hairspray was on at least once, too.

I’ve done okay for most of the day. Unfortunately, around 9:30pm tonight, Butthead freaked out and had her tail tucked under and was barking hysterically while backing her way into the bedroom where I was reading and watching TV. I went out into the hallway and checked all the rooms up here (she refused to follow me and instead ran down the stairs), but I have no idea what her major malfunction was. I took them out in the darkness, but luckily it was a little rainy, so both dogs ran out and peed and ran right back to the door to go in. So we kind of settled into the bedroom at that point and after some treats and wandering around, they both have settled in. I suspect they are also exhausted from starting their day at 3am.

I’ve talked to Hub twice on the phone and a few more times on instant messenger. He seems to be okay but the last we talked about an hour ago, he was sounding just exhausted. I hope he’s going to sack out soon, even though it’s pretty early in the evening out there. He said he kept moving his legs around on the plane, even though first class wasn’t as roomy as he’d hoped, and that he felt okay when he deboarded. Is that a word? Deboarded? What else do they call it? Anyway, he says he felt okay and when I talked to him later he said he was feeling okay just tired from the long day.

I was happy to hear from my SIL by phone (I couldn’t figure out the damn facetime thing through FB’s messenger) after she opened my gift to her for her wedding. I crocheted her a blanket that turned out to be about queen size (the pic below is spread out on a king size guest bed) in these amazing colors that made me think of her. Hub’s father said she has walls in her house painted in yellow and orange, so I found this awesome yarn and went to town. Took me several months (and a lot of pain) to get the blanket done, but apparently she loved it a lot. Made me feel like the work was worth it.

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I saw my father earlier when I took the dogs out this afternoon and he reminded me that I could stay at his house overnight or whatever. I said I was going to try to stay home, but if I had any issue I would just hike over there with the dogs and stay there. Around 8:30pm tonight he called to see how I was doing and how my day had gone. Then he reminded me that if I had any trouble I should just let myself into his house no matter what time it was. Then he gave me his late-night schedule so I would know how late he would be awake, but then he told me again to just come over whenever I need to.

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep tonight or not. I still have some reading left in my second book of the day and a youtube video to watch for a channel I subscribe to. I dunno…I’m locked in the bedroom with the dogs and I’m sure I’m safe (even though I’m kind of worried that I locked the bedroom door and if someone needs to get in here to rescue me for some reason the locked door will be an issue), but it’s still weird. I kind of hope I’ll be tired enough to fall asleep at some point.

I had my regular soup for lunch and leftover takeout for dinner, so eating wasn’t a major issue today. I have more takeout again for tomorrow night’s dinner if I want it, and I (pressure) cooked up a fresh pot of my lunch-soup this morning so I have enough for the rest of the week. It’s boring, but I eat soup most days of the week for lunch because it means I don’t have to think about it. I dump it in a bowl, add some sauteed mushrooms, and nuke it…easy-peasy no thinking. Also, the soup is bean soup, so it’s pretty healthy…protein and fiber and veggies and carbs, all-in-one.

That’s pretty much it for today. One down, three more to go.

Next installment…

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2017 in anxiety, Butthead, control, dad, dogs, fear, food, hub, love, sleep, stress, time, tired

 

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Insider information

I went through a couple different ideas for titles for this blog post, but this one seemed the most benign. Because I’m going to talk about my upcoming test on Monday.

It’s a colonoscopy.

I am less than thrilled, and at the moment, getting more and more anxious about it. Unfortunately, this last week, I’ve had stomach issues that resulted in me wanting to just cry all day and all night. I don’t get really constipated often, and this time was the absolute worst (and I have NO idea why this happened). It was made worse by the fact that I think I have a hemorrhoid (sorry, TMI) which was causing me pain every time I tried to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, the latter half of this week was bad. I had to call the GI doctor’s office late Thursday evening to see if I could take something because there was no way I could make it through to Sunday when I start my actual bowel prep. They said yes, I took something, and it hardly helped at all.

Are you aware that there’s a guy on Reddit (which I almost never read unless it’s a link from somewhere and even then it’s rare) who didn’t poop for a month and then posted about his “ordeal”? OMG, it’s both hilarious and horrendous. Don’t go look it up because there are links to pictures (which I didn’t look at), and lots of advice and a (supposed) doctor who urges the guy to go to the ER. The end result is that he goes to the hospital and eventually goes home and is fine. But there were thousands of people checking in to see if the “poop guy” had actually pooped.

I spent too much time on the internet Thursday and Friday.

Friday I finally had some relief (at the expense of more pain than I would have liked), but of course Friday night and today I’ve been feeling the effects of the milk of magnesia I took Thursday night. And since I’m expecting to start a bowel prep Sunday late afternoon, I figured I might as well eat light yesterday and today. Maybe it will make things a bit easier Sunday night and Monday morning. But the lack of food has been challenging, in that I feel cold and tired and anxious. I’ve been trying to stay hydrated and to eat enough to not feel woozy, but I’ve literally done nothing today. I desperately want to go back to bed, but if I don’t at least try to stay awake and move around, I’ll never sleep tonight.

I’m also worrying about why I ended up so damn constipated, because that was the absolute worst. I don’t know how people deal with that on a regular basis, for those who have IBD and Chron’s and such. I am afraid that this might continue to happen to me–because I can’t pinpoint WHY it happened this time, my diet has been pretty much the same for months–and I don’t know how I could handle it. On top of all the other stuff in my medical life…

I’m concerned about the actual procedure as well as the prep. They’re going to be putting me under anesthesia, which is scary to me. And of course the test could result in problems if they screw something up. And then the results of the test could bring up issues that will need to be dealt with in some way. All of this is is settling in on me and making me anxious. I talked to T about this stuff at my appointment yesterday, but I was feeling less distressed then than I am now. Of course, I’m a day closer and I’ve had nothing to do today except think. I have tried distracting myself with TV and watching some videos on Youtube, but I’m at a point where it’s not working anymore. I’m also vacillating between feeling hot and cold, for no reason…except maybe the lack of food. Also, it’s 35 degrees out and windy, so the weather isn’t helping, especially when I have to take the dogs out.

To add insult… Hub has some friends over to hang out. When they stopped to eat lunch, Hub told me he “wasn’t feeling right”, which scares me. He didn’t know what it was or why, but it was enough for him to check his blood pressure (which was a bit low for him) and his pulse (which was a little high for him, but he was feeling anxious). About an hour ago he reported in that he was feeling pretty much the same as earlier. So now I’m worrying about me and the prep and the test AND worrying about him.

I just want the test to be over.

 

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