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Still here

I’m still here. It’s been a busy couple of weeks as we prepped for our charity event. Then immediately following, I was with my Mom as she went for another appointment to find out about the results of her CT scan (good!) and to get blood work drawn for the trial she is participating in. I got to see the nurses again, and in particular give one of them a giant hug for taking such good care of my mother through all of her infusions. We were lucky to get the same nurse for 4 of the six infusions, and I say lucky because she was really fabulous. I hugged her a couple of times and tearfully thanked her, and then I gave her a hat that I crocheted for her. But I reminded her it was a winter hat, not a chemo hat…and that I hoped it would remind her of the wonderful work she does for the people who come into her care.

On a slightly more BLEH note, I’m unhappy. In therapy with T, I’m telling her that I feel stuck because I don’t want to fail. If I don’t pick a path, then I don’t have to think about failing. I’m tired of failing. I have a whole list of failures behind me, and when I think of what to do next, I just feel like I can’t take one more failure. So if I don’t DO anything, I don’t fail. T wanted me to sit and think of the good things that came from my “failures” because none of them are really failures, they are lessons learned. I’m still in a place where I disagree, so I guess I’m not ready to broach that with myself. So T suggested that she thinks I’m afraid to hope…that this is what is underlying the failure. But I don’t know what it is I’m afraid to hope for? Not failing? Ech.

Another failure is that I’ve gained a bunch of weight. From the time we adopted Butthead in May of 2013, I’ve been slowly gaining back the weight I lost when I was sick and not eating in fall of 2012. I’d maintained a 45 pound weightloss right up until we adopted Butthead. Then I was so stressed and wanting some kind of pleasant distraction from her that I ate. I slowly gained ten pounds. Then ten more. Then when I got that crappy cold a few weeks ago, I ate so much (salty) pre-made soup and broth and stuff, that I gained more weight. I thought it would ease off when I stopped eating that stuff, but instead I’ve been snacking on junk. I think it’s because I’m not wanting to deal with stuff in therapy and eating is a distraction from that, too. Plus, the release of a lot of time spent focusing on my mom’s infusions is gone, too. Now her recovery is stretched out over months and months, and I’m at a loss as to how to figure out my own life again. And I feel like crap. I feel bloated and uncomfortable, which is making me unhappy and cranky. I’m also having some pain flares, so that isn’t helping me either. Bad dreams, not sleeping. What else can I add to my list? Oh yeah, and a couple of anxiety issues, mostly overnight or late at night when I should be sleeping and instead am sitting up feeling anxious.

Hub is stressed with stuff going on at work and I feel like there is so much falling by the wayside here at home. Which stresses me out even more. So I’ve been avoiding everything. And eating. And wondering what the hell I’m going to talk about at therapy on Friday, because I have no answers. No path. No idea what direction to go in. Just stagnant and stressed.

Woo hoo. NOT.

 

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Charity fund raising

So for the last four months or so, Hub and I have been raising money for our local children’s hospital through a program called Extra Life. It’s a group that is primarily made up of gamers (computer, console, tabletop, etc) who come together every year for the last five years (this is year six) to raise money for children’s hospitals in memory of Victoria Enmom. This is the fourth year we’ve participated (we host the 24 hour marathon for our team here at our house) and the first year I’m raising money for the team. Usually I just cook and clean and facilitate, but because of all the crocheting I’ve been doing with my mother, I’ve used that as a way to raise money for our team.

From Extra Life’s website:

Extra Life began in 2008 as a way of honoring a young lady named Victoria Enmon. Tori’s battle against acute lymphoblastic leukemia inspired the Sarcastic Gamer Community in a way that is difficult to describe. Members sent in video games and bought gifts to keep Tori’s spirits up despite numerous hospital stays and three bouts with the deadly disease.

Tragically, we lost Tori to cancer in January 2008. Later that year, I asked my partners at Sarcastic Gamer if they would be interested in Extra Life, a 24-hour video game marathon to raise money for the hospital that treated and fought beside Tori. In 2008 and 2009 Extra Life raised a combined $302,000, 100 percent of which went directly to help kids like Tori at my local Children’s Miracle Network Hospital (Texas Children’s Hospital).

While thousands of gamers, more than 100 websites and more than 12,000 donors were happy to support Extra Life, many expressed their desire to raise money to help kids closer to home. In what I can only consider destiny, in 2009 I left behind my radio career and went to work full-time for Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals as a Radiothon Director. This life-changing event gave me unique insight into an incredible non-profit organization that helps kids all over the United States and Canada.

I quickly realized that Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals would be the perfect solution to expand Extra Life into more communities.

This year, when you sign up to play games for 24 hours this year, you won’t just be raising money for kids. You’ll be supporting LOCAL kids and their families. Kids right in your own backyard.

All the money you raise for Extra Life 2014 will go directly to the Children’s Miracle Network Hospital of your choice.

Do you want to have more fun than you can handle while helping some of the bravest (and smallest) warriors in your community? All you have to do is:

Register and create your personal fundraising page.
Try to get four friends or family members to sponsor you at $1 per hour ($24 each).
Sit on your rear end and play all types of games for 24 hours. We will be putting in our game play on Saturday, October 25th, beginning at 8 a.m.

Do you want to join in? Go to http://www.extra-life.org/register and sign up to join us for this amazing event. You can pick your local Children’s Miracle Network hospital (or one that is meaningful to you) so that you can support the local kids and families. You can play ANY kind of games… video, board games, sports games… and you can stretch out your “marathon” over several days or weekends if you need to. You can find more information on the FAQs page.

If you don’t want to sign up or can’t sign up this year, I’d love to have you consider donating to our team. Please contact me and I’ll send you a link to the donation form. It’s tax deductible, easy, and safe to donate. All the money you give goes directly to the hospitals…everyone in Extra Life is a volunteer.

THANK YOU for considering joining our amazing mission to help kids!

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2014 in charity, link

 

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