He’s leaving on a jet plane

27 May

Fortunately, I know when he’ll be back again.

But right now, that doesn’t really help. Tomorrow morning we’ll be driving Hub to the airport at 4am so he can catch a 6am flight to California for his sister’s wedding. And then I’ll come home and it’ll be me here with the dogs.

I had my appointment with T today and we talked all about this. I’ve got my plans made for the four days and four nights he’ll be gone, which include A LOT OF BOOKS from the library and a massage scheduled for Tuesday. Plus, I figure I’ll be renting lots of movies either from amazon prime or our on-demand cable television. And if things get bad enough, I’ll go spend time at my father’s house with the dogs. Not sure I want to sleep there because taking the dogs and all their paraphernalia will be a pain in the ass. Additionally, T reminded me to text her if I need to talk to her. I suspect I’ll be reading a lot of books to waste the time, both day and night, and napping on and off during all hours. Mostly I’ll be scheduling myself around dogs’ schedules for food and trips outside…and then trying to nap when they are sleeping.

Also, to prepare, we bought a security camera floodlight thing, that alerts me if there’s movement outside the door…and I can open the app and see live video of what’s going on (and it records the video if I miss the alert). It also turns on the floodlights with movement at night, along with low-light live (and recorded) video. So, at least I have that extra bit of security for myself.

Part of what I talked to T about is the fact that I don’t really know how to be without Hub anymore. I know how to be alone when he’s here (or at work), but I don’t know how to be alone when he’s not HERE. I’ve known him for longer than I’ve NOT known him. It’s been years since we’ve had any major separation (4 since his parents’ accident where he was gone for 3 days unexpectedly, but closer to 8 years for anything longer than those couple of days), and at that point I had my parents helping me while I stayed at their house…and we had Sweet Pea, who was easy as pie to take care of. Now I have this big house and I have Butthead, who requires a lot of energy and close watch. And I don’t have my mom nearby to hang out with when I get lonely, sad, or scared.

Another part of my concern is that Hub has health issues. He has diabetes (with minor leg and feet circulation problems), high blood pressures, and has a history of supra-ventricular tachycardia. I mostly am worried about him getting a blood clot in his leg from the traveling in the airplane…and even worse I’m worried that he won’t realize there’s something wrong. Or he’ll think whatever it is that is wrong isn’t a big deal and he’ll ignore it and not get to a doctor. Or that he’ll ignore it and get on the plane to come home and make it worse. The possible thought of losing him–especially considering how hard it’s been to lose my mother–is really overwhelming. I’ve been trying really hard NOT to impose my fears on him. The only thing I suggested is that he try to keep moving his feet and legs around on the plane just because of his circulation issues…and that’s all I said.

The probability of him having any kind of major problem is pretty low. The probability of me having any kind of major problem is pretty low. I have to just keep reminding myself that we’ll get through this. A week from now it will be over and we’ll be back to normal programming.

Until then, I am trying not to judge how I am handling things. I’m going to do my best to do my best, and then whatever happens happens.

(day one post)




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7 responses to “He’s leaving on a jet plane

  1. marianallen

    May 28, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    It’s so hard to let our loved ones out of our hands and oversight, isn’t it? I hate it when my husband goes off without me, because he has a history of “not making a big deal” of things he ought to make a big deal out of, silly thing! I’ve learned to do just what you did: drop a quiet word in his ear before he goes and keep my hopes up. If it’s any comfort to you, it’s been working. 🙂 Hugs to you and a knuckle-rub on the head to Butthead. lol

    • meANXIETYme

      May 28, 2017 at 3:27 pm

      Thanks, Marian. I talked to Hub after he landed and made him promise to pay attention to how he was feeling and he said he would. He said he wouldn’t take any chances, so I have to trust he’ll do the right thing. But yeah, it’s hard.

      And Butthead says thanks, then wants to know when we go out AGAIN. LOL

  2. joey

    May 28, 2017 at 5:35 pm

    You know how it is, so often the worry of what ifs is much worse than how it will actually be. *sigh* As a person whose husband used to leave all the gd time, I totally relate. I was always completely beside myself when he was gone and the kids were gone, all alone in my house. Eek. That’s a BIG reason why I looked for Sadie.
    You’ll miss him so much, too, I know.
    I hope he fidgets and the time passes better than expected.
    I kinda want that door thingy. I do. I mentioned it to The Mister.
    We’ll be here 🙂

    • meANXIETYme

      May 28, 2017 at 5:46 pm

      Yeah the worry is the worst. I keep telling myself that the bad things are pretty unlikely…

      My dogs might bark but won’t protect me. Well, for sure Butthead will bark. Lol

      The camera floodlight thing replaces a normal floodlight and uses your house Wi-Fi for the camera stuff. We bought the version. So far it’s pretty good, though we did get a broken one first and had to exchange it.

      • joey

        May 28, 2017 at 5:58 pm

        Thanks for the info.
        Barking is sometimes all that’s needed.
        Bad things are definitely unlikely 🙂

      • meANXIETYme

        May 28, 2017 at 6:01 pm

        Bark bark bark. But yeah at least they’d know there are dogs. They’d have to guess whether or not they are friendly.

        But the camera thing does make me feel somewhat better. Doesn’t make me miss him less though. 😔

      • joey

        May 28, 2017 at 6:08 pm

        Yeah, that’s the worst part. 😦


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