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The new year

01 Jan

I have been watching and listening to everyone say how bad 2016 was and how they couldn’t wait for it to be over. I woke up this morning and read all the posts on FB and here and twitter saying happy new year and 2017 is going to be so much better.

Guys…I’m sad a fuck to see 2016 go. It was a hard year, but you know what? For me, 2016 is hard to let go of because it was the last time I got to be with my mom. It was the last time I was able to hold her hand, hear her laugh, hug her, ask her a question and get an answer… It was the last time I got to celebrate my birthday with her. It was the last time she was here on earth with us.

Yes, I lost her in 2016. Yes, I had to watch her die, and I had to help with the funeral and the headstone and all that horrendous stuff. And yes I’ve had to watch my father and brothers and my husband suffer through the loss. And yes, I’ve had to live through my own pain of loss, and I’m still grieving horribly. But for three months in 2016, I had her here physically on this earth. I got to see her eyes, I got to see her smile, I got to tease her about something stupid. I got to do stuff with her. I got to be with her. I got to have her here.

Leaving 2016 behind… I stayed up until after the calendar ticked over. And all I felt was sad. My life will never be as good as it was when she was alive.

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4 responses to “The new year

  1. April

    January 1, 2017 at 12:11 pm

    I understand this one, unfortunately. Hugs to you to give you strength.

     
  2. joey

    January 1, 2017 at 6:23 pm

    I remember 2007, everyone wishing me a happy new year and after, I dunno, the third or fourth person, I got rude and loud and reminded the well-meaning idiots that my husband would literally be gone the entire calendar year, if he even came back, so maybe they didn’t need to bring it up so gd much! For this reason, I will not wish you a happy new year, but rather, wish upon you moments each day that make life just a bit more bearable. ❤

     
    • meANXIETYme

      January 1, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      Thank you, Joey. I will try to look for those moments. Right now I’m struggling to get through each minute, so I will have to look harder than normally I might.

       

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