Insider information

10 Dec

I went through a couple different ideas for titles for this blog post, but this one seemed the most benign. Because I’m going to talk about my upcoming test on Monday.

It’s a colonoscopy.

I am less than thrilled, and at the moment, getting more and more anxious about it. Unfortunately, this last week, I’ve had stomach issues that resulted in me wanting to just cry all day and all night. I don’t get really constipated often, and this time was the absolute worst (and I have NO idea why this happened). It was made worse by the fact that I think I have a hemorrhoid (sorry, TMI) which was causing me pain every time I tried to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, the latter half of this week was bad. I had to call the GI doctor’s office late Thursday evening to see if I could take something because there was no way I could make it through to Sunday when I start my actual bowel prep. They said yes, I took something, and it hardly helped at all.

Are you aware that there’s a guy on Reddit (which I almost never read unless it’s a link from somewhere and even then it’s rare) who didn’t poop for a month and then posted about his “ordeal”? OMG, it’s both hilarious and horrendous. Don’t go look it up because there are links to pictures (which I didn’t look at), and lots of advice and a (supposed) doctor who urges the guy to go to the ER. The end result is that he goes to the hospital and eventually goes home and is fine. But there were thousands of people checking in to see if the “poop guy” had actually pooped.

I spent too much time on the internet Thursday and Friday.

Friday I finally had some relief (at the expense of more pain than I would have liked), but of course Friday night and today I’ve been feeling the effects of the milk of magnesia I took Thursday night. And since I’m expecting to start a bowel prep Sunday late afternoon, I figured I might as well eat light yesterday and today. Maybe it will make things a bit easier Sunday night and Monday morning. But the lack of food has been challenging, in that I feel cold and tired and anxious. I’ve been trying to stay hydrated and to eat enough to not feel woozy, but I’ve literally done nothing today. I desperately want to go back to bed, but if I don’t at least try to stay awake and move around, I’ll never sleep tonight.

I’m also worrying about why I ended up so damn constipated, because that was the absolute worst. I don’t know how people deal with that on a regular basis, for those who have IBD and Chron’s and such. I am afraid that this might continue to happen to me–because I can’t pinpoint WHY it happened this time, my diet has been pretty much the same for months–and I don’t know how I could handle it. On top of all the other stuff in my medical life…

I’m concerned about the actual procedure as well as the prep. They’re going to be putting me under anesthesia, which is scary to me. And of course the test could result in problems if they screw something up. And then the results of the test could bring up issues that will need to be dealt with in some way. All of this is is settling in on me and making me anxious. I talked to T about this stuff at my appointment yesterday, but I was feeling less distressed then than I am now. Of course, I’m a day closer and I’ve had nothing to do today except think. I have tried distracting myself with TV and watching some videos on Youtube, but I’m at a point where it’s not working anymore. I’m also vacillating between feeling hot and cold, for no reason…except maybe the lack of food. Also, it’s 35 degrees out and windy, so the weather isn’t helping, especially when I have to take the dogs out.

To add insult… Hub has some friends over to hang out. When they stopped to eat lunch, Hub told me he “wasn’t feeling right”, which scares me. He didn’t know what it was or why, but it was enough for him to check his blood pressure (which was a bit low for him) and his pulse (which was a little high for him, but he was feeling anxious). About an hour ago he reported in that he was feeling pretty much the same as earlier. So now I’m worrying about me and the prep and the test AND worrying about him.

I just want the test to be over.


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10 responses to “Insider information

  1. joey

    December 10, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    I wish my husband worried about me when I say I’m not feelin right. Mercy. LOL I’ve been sick for a freakin month, never mind the associated bouts of anxiety.
    Anyway, enough about me! Your procedure is gonna be FINE. They do them all, all, all the time.
    Also, I almost never get constipated (pregnancy and travel) and when I do I pretty much freak out. The answer for me is inevitably to hydrate like whoa and then lie down and relax. Meditate, read, listen to music.
    I’m guessin you can’t relax, and for good reason.

    • meANXIETYme

      December 10, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Me ‘n Hub are kinda both worrywarts. I mean, he’s better at putting his “worry” in a box and distracting himself. I’m not so good at that. So if either of us isn’t “feeling right” we both pay attention.
      I know they do colonoscopies all the time, so I am trying not to majorly freak out. Even so, I’d rather be on the other side of it already.
      I tried to drink a lot more than I normally do, but unfortunately the situation did not improve and only seemed to get worse. Ugh.
      Thanks for the reassurance. I keep hoping the hours would move more quickly but they seem to be slowing down. Bleh.

      • joey

        December 10, 2016 at 9:48 pm


  2. easyweimaraner

    December 11, 2016 at 1:48 am

    my father has to give such “insider informations” (well picked title!!!) every year. he feels very uncomfy too for the whole procedure including to drink this darned stuff one day before. I wish you all the best and good news from your doctor when the whole thing is over. Power to you, we will send good thoughts tomorrow.

    • meANXIETYme

      December 11, 2016 at 9:08 am

      Yeah I get to drink stuff tonight and tomorrow . Thanks for the good wishes. Hopefully all is well in the end. Pun intended.

      • easyweimaraner

        December 11, 2016 at 9:11 am

        I hope with you … for a happy end ;o)

  3. April

    December 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    I don’t like that you’re having to go through this. Sometimes I wonder if anxiety is worse than the physical symptom, or if anxiety is causing the symptom. The worst part of a colonoscopy is the prep. I got lucky and found the perfect specialist. He has a much easier way to do a cleanse other than drinking that crappy stuff. Unfortunately it means the day before only being able to have broth.

    • meANXIETYme

      December 11, 2016 at 1:51 pm

      Yeah, I agree that oftentimes the anxiety and anticipation is worse than anything else. Unfortunately, our brains don’t accept that and make us suffer. I mean, I’m trying to not be freaked out, but it’s not really working. I’m also worried that my “prep” won’t be done by the time I have to go to my appointment tomorrow. Also, there’s splenda in the prep and I never eat artificial sweeteners (at least not knowingly…I would guess in some restaurants I might not be aware, but I rarely eat out…), so I’m worried it’s going to make me feel ill.
      I’ve barely eaten anything in the last two days anyway, so I’m not sure what you are talking about would be any worse. Of course, I haven’t done the actual prep yet, so who knows…

      • April

        December 11, 2016 at 3:02 pm

        It’s easy for me to say the anticipation is worse than the event but it doesn’t connect in my own brain….but it sounds nice, doesn’t it? 🙂 I’m hoping all the best for you!

      • meANXIETYme

        December 11, 2016 at 3:14 pm

        It does sound nice. And thanks!


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