I’m SO over it

17 Jun

Father’s day is Sunday. It’s now Friday. I started asking about Father’s day plans of my two local brothers about three weeks ago. I got no response, so I pushed the subject again last Friday.

Background… Hub and I usually do Mother’s day here at our house for his and my mothers and for all our local siblings. We generally do brunch, because that’s what our moms like to eat. For Father’s day, we usually go out because my Dad likes to eat foods we don’t usually cook at home. It’s generally my married brother’s job to arrange Father’s day because Hub and I do so much for Mother’s day.

I eat gluten free. My married brother’s wife has a lot of food issues, in that she eats nothing. I have no idea how she maintains her weight, but she eats nothing. She’s allergic to olive oil, and in the past couple of years she says she’s not eating meat…well, except for hot dogs and chicken. And she doesn’t eat fish. And she doesn’t eat most vegetables. For those still paying attention, 90% of pasta (which is something she’ll eat) or pizza (another thing she’ll eat) is made with olive oil when it’s mass produced.

So I started pushing my brother about Father’s day. He spent Saturday  morning with my father but “forgot” to ask what he wanted to do about Father’s day, considering we’re all still struggling with the loss of my mother. When he finally asked Monday night by phone, my father said, “Whatever you kids want to do. I’d prefer to eat out, but we can eat at home, too.” (Btw, eat at home means Hub and I cook, because my married brother and his wife a) don’t cook and b) never have us over to their house. One time in the 10 years they’ve lived there we ate there, but MY husband grilled the food. And the rest of us prepared it in their kitchen once we arrived.)

So now it’s Tuesday and we’re chatting online about where to go for Father’s day. Lots of places around here are going to be mobbed, but even worse, my SIL doesn’t eat anything. So there are few places they go out to eat, even though they eat out more than they eat at home. We ran through a bunch of places, but most of them either have nothing for me to eat or nothing for her to eat. So I suggest a local diner, which has a MASSIVE menu. My brother says he’ll check with his wife. This is Tuesday after lunchtime. Wednesday at lunch, I email him to ask what the answer is about the diner, because if it’s not the diner, we have to figure something else out. And if the answer is eat at home (which my dad doesn’t REALLY want to do), then I need to plan and get out and buy food. Which I TELL him in the email.

NOW it’s Friday morning and I get an email from my brother saying his wife has “tried” the diner with a friend and it made her sick. So that’s out. And it’s FRIDAY MORNING and now what?

I seriously wrote like four emails, and attempted to write four different messages in chat, and I sent none of them. I’m so angry that when I got dressed this morning (after reading the email) I forgot I put on deodorant and I put it on again. I’m so angry that when I come downstairs and tell Hub what’s going on, I end up crying. I’m SO ANGRY that I finally tell my brothers to do whatever, that I’ll eat NOTHING at the restaurant because this is FATHER’S day and Dad should eat food he likes. (Do you think my SIL offers the same? No. And as for more background, at least 50% of the time she is supposed to do something with us, she doesn’t show up because she’s “not feeling well”. So we go through all this shit about what she can or will eat and then she doesn’t bother to show up…)

So my married brother suggests a burger place. Which I am just flummoxed by, because we could make fucking hamburgers at home (which we did three weeks ago for Memorial day when the my aunt and uncle came to join us). My father likes seafood and pork and bacon and sausages…stuff he doesn’t eat at home. So my married brother says, “why don’t we just get together and eat dessert?” My father doesn’t eat dessert. He likes to binge on fatty fried fun foods, not dessert. Where has my brother been? Does he not KNOW my father? No, the answer is, he’s thinking what is easiest for him, not what my father wants or likes. My married brother suggests we go out early Saturday evening to avoid crowds, despite the fact that I told him that Hub has to work Saturday afternoon. Because it’s all about him and his wife and her issues, not anyone else.

It’s now closing in on noon and we’re no closer to an answer. No one is saying anything anymore. I’ve already told Hub that if this keeps up, he and I are going to get barbecue take-out with all kinds of food that Dad likes, and bring it over to his house Sunday for dinner. And screw the rest of them who don’t like or can’t eat that food. Because I’m so over this. Why am I bending myself into a pretzel for them when it’s supposed to be about my father?




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11 responses to “I’m SO over it

  1. Bradley

    June 17, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    ” Why am I bending myself into a pretzel for them when it’s supposed to be about my father?”

    As my pdoc would say, “That’s the big question.” To me the answer is exactly what you said. Keeping in mind that it should be all about your father is to be commended.

    • meANXIETYme

      June 17, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      Yeah, I kept worrying so much about their feelings… But honestly, this isn’t really about them, is it?
      And so it isn’t anymore. I’ve told them where we’re going for dinner…a restaurant my father likes. If they want to come, fine. If not, it’s on them.

      • Bradley

        June 17, 2016 at 5:46 pm

        Good for you!

  2. joey

    June 17, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    Hear, hear! This is exactly the sort of thing that happens in my husband’s family. The last one was over Memorial Day weekend. It became a drama and we shut the drama down. Subsequently we did not go and now we are bad people.

    Anyway, since you know what your dad likes, consider buying him a meal that he would LOVE, take it to his house at lunch time, plate it beautifully and give him your attention. Let the other people mind their own.

    And I had to laugh at how the person doesn’t eat the things. You and I could have a cackle and a half over that kinda stuff. She says she’s allergic to latex, but she eats bananas and cucumbers, mk?

    • meANXIETYme

      June 17, 2016 at 9:03 pm

      This kind of drama is just SIL’s territory. She loves to be the center of attention, so the more drama surrounding her, the happier she is. It’s cray-cray.
      As it turns out, while I was in therapy bitching and moaning, Hub invited my Dad out for dinner tonight. When I got home, Hub said, “Oh, we’re taking him out tonight…he said he’s fine with going out twice for father’s day.” LOL So we went out with him and the brother that lives with him. Married Bro and SIL were not invited and I am just peachy keen with that. 🙂
      I have a good husband. I’m so lucky.
      As for the eating things…I’m pretty sure it’s a learned behavior from her mother, who also has “issues” with food. And her mother’s food issues gets HER attention, so …. yeah. When the two of them are together, it’s ridiculous the drama that surrounds them. Last time her mother was in town, I refused to go out to dinner with them because I couldn’t take the drama. (Her mother claims to be gluten intolerant, then spends dinner eating all the red lobster biscuits and asks for more to take home with her.)
      OMG I’m done ranting. Waste of my brain power! LOL

      • joey

        June 17, 2016 at 9:09 pm

        Oh what a HOOT! How stupid do people think we are? Can’t they just say, “Not all bread is worth the calories” or “I don’t like giant slabs of beef” or something? I’m a grown person, I say things like that. I even have the audacity to say, “I don’t care for cooked beets.” Just, ugh.
        You’re right, your husband did GOOD 😛 What a hero! He must think you’re the cat’s meow 😉

      • meANXIETYme

        June 17, 2016 at 9:17 pm

        SIL’s mother (who happens to be my aunt–I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this before…SIL was adopted into the family) was so annoyed that I didn’t go to dinner with them. She didn’t understand why I couldn’t just eat the gluten-full food and just deal with the after-effects like she does. You wanna be sick? Fine. I’m not getting sick just so that I can sit with ya’ll and see your dramadramadrama! (In fact, I was happy for the excuse not to go!) Mind yo bizniz, lady!
        Yeah, Hub’s a good man. My mother used to tell people that he was my hero (because I write romance novels). She wasn’t wrong. 🙂

      • joey

        June 17, 2016 at 9:23 pm

        You know how you see people on tv, saying “I’m a vegetarian” and then the other person says, “It’s just chicken?” Did you know that actually happens in real life? “OH, you don’t like to eat meat, well honey, this is just some chicken. A lil chicken never hurt anybody…”
        A lil gluten can hurt you.
        It’s not all hot dogs and chicken, if ya know what I mean! LOL

      • meANXIETYme

        June 17, 2016 at 9:44 pm

        “He don’t eat no meat? What do you mean he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, I make lamb.”
        Maybe she doesn’t know chicken is meat? Maybe she thinks it’s fish? (A la Chicken of the Sea…)
        I’m afraid to know what she thinks a hot dog is…

      • joey

        June 17, 2016 at 9:47 pm

        Oh man, I’d forgotten about chicken of the sea, lol! 🙂

      • meANXIETYme

        June 17, 2016 at 9:51 pm

        Hee hee


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