Missing in(action)

28 Apr

I didn’t really realize how long it had been since I posted. I know a lot of stuff has (and hasn’t) happened, but I was genuinely shocked to note that it’s been a month since I last blogged.

Update on my mom. She’s still feeling well, which seems to surprise every doctor she’s seen. We’ve had multiple “second” opinions from a couple of doctors who are top docs in her particular type of cancer. After our pretty crappy experience with the first radiation oncologist, we requested new referrals for her to other facilities. After some extended time waiting for the referrals (holidays, etc), we finally got in to see a local radiation oncologist who is about fifteen minutes from our houses. Since she’s going to have to go 5 days a week for almost six weeks, we wanted to find something a little more convenient than the first doctor…plus, he was an asshole. Fortunately, the new doctor (and all the staff) at the new place were pretty great. My mother is really comfortable with the new radiation oncologist, and that’s all I need to know. Their facility has TWO hospitals backing their technology and research, so we’re getting some really great, cutting edge treatment technology. In truth, this doctor pretty much said the same as the first radiation oncologist–aggressive cancer, likely to spread even if they can kill the current recurrence–but the presentation was different. The aura was different. The intent felt different. I don’t know, it just all felt different, and like I said, if Mama’s happy…

So they had to study all her pictures and test out different treatment applications to see what would be best for HER situation. This week we go for the “dry run” so they can do a walk-through of the test to make sure everything is set. I would guess next week will be the start of the treatments if everything works out for the dry run. And from what we’ve heard, she’ll start feeling side effects in the first 2-3 weeks. But one step at a time. Right now, like I said, she’s still feeling good so she’s playing in the garden and cleaning the house.

Update on moi. I go for my surgical consult with the surgeon next week. So far I’ve been able to keep everything in perspective. The results of my hysteroscopy were mostly inconclusive. They grabbed a polyp but it was benign, so that was good. Beyond that, they didn’t get enough tissue to figure anything else out. So I go to the surgeon without that information even after all that. If I had known I would end up with inconclusive results, I wouldn’t have done the damn tests. The CRNP had told me that I really needed this test before I saw the surgeon, but now she’s saying “Well you’re getting a hysterectomy anyway…” Way to back step, lady. They also wanted to do a repeat ultrasound to make sure the cyst in my ovary resolved. Which I did and it did. Then the tech said, “But oh now there’s one in the other ovary.” Dude, they’re SUPPOSDA be there every month. She said the doc would probably want to follow-up on the new cyst, but the CRNP didn’t say that when she called to update me with all the results. So like I said, it’s off to the surgeon to see what he says. They already sent all my test results and the notes from my exams and tests to the surgeon.

My PVCs are greatly reduced. I notice them mostly at night when I’m trying to sleep. They’re manageable. I wish they weren’t there at all, but I can deal with them like this without them really infringing on my mental state. My sleep still sucks. I’m having crappy dreams again. And I’m waking up multiple times in the night. AND I’m waking up early in the morning and not able to get back to sleep. I HATE THAT.

I’ve been doing some hats here and there. Hopefully soon we’ll have enough to send to the infusion unit. Mom has been doing some other projects, so she’s slowed down on her hats, too.

It’s been feeling a lot like waiting around here. Waiting for her referrals, her appointments, her tests. Waiting for my appointments, my tests, my results. Hub has been dealing with some medical issues (minor), so that’s been on our front burner recently.

I’ve been seeing T on my regular schedule. Sometimes I feel like the appointments are just me chattering and not resulting in much. I wonder about that. But other times I know I need to be able to get help for something that’s bugging me. I still think this schedule of once every other week is good.

I’ve NOT been back to my massage therapist. She had to take six weeks off for some knee surgery and when she came back, I was right smack in the middle of all this …. waiting. So I told her I needed to see Mom’s radiation schedule and MY surgical schedule before I made any appointments with her. On one hand, I miss the massages and I know my body does. On the other hand, I’m functioning, so I know I can do without the massages. So I’m sort of iffy about that…

I’ve written a little bit. I did some work on a story and felt okay about it. I wish I had a good direction for it and I wish the characters didn’t seem so SAD at the beginning of the book. I don’t like to start a book that way. But even so, writing is writing and I felt good about what I did.

So now you know. I’m okay. I’m just mid-action.


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7 responses to “Missing in(action)

  1. joeyfullystated

    April 28, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    I’m kinda laughin about the cysts on your ovaries. I tell you, women’s biology really is under-acknowledged! I’d congratulate you on your future hysterectomy, but I think you didn’t want it. I still want one, lol!
    I’m glad your mom has a new dr. who’s nicer and closer πŸ™‚ I’m still sad she is battling.
    I so appreciate this post, thank you πŸ˜€

    • meANXIETYme

      April 28, 2015 at 9:32 pm

      Seriously, the technician acted like the cyst was something weird. C’mon lady…
      Yes, I didn’t want the surgery more because the thought of surgery scares the bejeezus out of me. But I know I need to just do it because my fibroids are really big. And the problems with the menstrual cycle will just continue to be an issue…and could end up in endometrial cancer (at the very worst). My lining continues to be “thickened” and since I have the fibroids, the answer really is to just snatch that damn thing outta my body and be done with it.
      Thanks on my mom’s behalf. It’s better to have the doctor she feels comfortable with. As for the cancer, we’re just going to keep fighting it as best as possible.

      • joeyfullystated

        April 28, 2015 at 10:01 pm

        I go in about a month. We shall see. Although, I’m currently more concerned about ongoing digestive issues. Hopefully just another anxiety thing.
        I think it’ll be nice for you to not deal with this stuff anymore — once you’re recuperated, anyway πŸ™‚

      • meANXIETYme

        April 28, 2015 at 10:41 pm

        I’ve got digestive issues, too, along with chronic GERD/heartburn. But most of the time I’m able to manage both pretty well at this point. Some days are bad, but mostly it’s managed. I feel for you, because that suuuuuuuucks. I spent a lot of years with crappy digestive issues…my first time meeting my FIL and his wife, we were driving home from dinner and we had to stop at a McDonald’s so I could go to the bathroom because something I ate at dinner a half an hour before did not agree with me. Ugh.
        I think part of what will happen with the hysterectomy is just relief that I don’t need to THINK about it anymore. For the most part, the fibroids don’t bother me unless I lean against a counter or something where I’m putting HARD pressure against my lower stomach area. But it’ll be good to not be dealing with that, and it’ll be good to not worry about the uterine lining turning into something bad.
        As for the recuperation…it won’t be the first time I’ve been stuck in bed, so I guess I’ll figure out how to handle it. The harder part might be that Mom will be doing radiation and I won’t be able to drive her and/or help her out at home for a while. 😦

  2. April

    May 1, 2015 at 6:39 am

    That’s encouraging news about your mom. Glad you could find a doctor closer to travel to. There seems to be nothing worse than having to have radiation, and then having to travel a long distance to get it. Female bits….why are they such an issue?

    • meANXIETYme

      May 1, 2015 at 10:07 am

      Seriously, why do our female bits rebel against us??

      • April

        May 2, 2015 at 7:20 am

        It’s really not fair.


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