Everyone? Eyes up here, please!
Party guests present up to (and including) today include: stabbing lower abdominal pain burning upper abdominal pain, achy lower back pain, dry eyes, unrelenting headache, extreme fatigue, sleeplessness.
We have some new guests that I want to call out.
Night sweats. Seriously? No one asked you to show up…especially not at 2am.
Nausea. Really? As if I need that working the room all day and night?
Bloating. Who wants that puffed-up buffoon in the house?
Radiating pain to lower body. Hips and thighs seem to want to run around the party screaming. I can’t say I blame them.
Murderous rage. I’m pretty sure she’s considering ripping out all my innards. And I am considering letting her. I picture her with Lady Gaga long pointed fingernails.
Honestly, I thought I was going to be able to make this a funny post…I had plenty of time to plot it out last night and this morning when I wasn’t sleeping or sweating or swearing. In the end, I’m pretty sure I missed the mark. Sorry ’bout that. I’m off to weep for a while, since Cray-cray Lab, whom I am dog-sitting on and off this week, just jumped up on me while I was sitting in the recliner and scraped her long-ass nails down my stomach.