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Pill expedition update

13 Feb

I have been SO tired that mustering the energy to post about how tired I am was nigh on impossible. Obviously, since I haven’t blogged about it for a couple of days. Along with the no energy portion of the game, I’ve been dealing with an overwhelming feeling of….blah.

I had my session with T today, and of the 60 minute session, I suspect I spent about 15-20 minutes of it sighing and saying how BLAH and tired I felt, often rubbing my eyes like a two-year-old who missed her nap. T offered to end the session early, but I didn’t want to waste my WHOLE session with her. I only see her every other week, and I felt like I had things I wanted to talk about. Partway through two different conversations–that I started–I stared at her and admitted I had completely lost my train of thought. She reminded me this had a direct cause–the progesterone–and that it had a time limit. I told her I was having flashbacks to my prilosec fever, and again she reiterated that this had a clear and distinct cause, and that I could finish the two days I still had. That I needed to just wait it out.

I’ve had thoughts flitting through my head a lot these days. You know, like they tell you not to let things take hold and push you into anxiety? Don’t ruminate on things, don’t obsess, don’t chew on stuff. I said it was getting really weird for me because stuff will pop into my head and I’ll shoo it away like a gnat. So I feel like stuff is whizzing in and out of my head at top speed. So–after telling me that having all those gnats flying around all the time must drive me crazy–she asked me to NOT shoo them away and instead take one and deal with it using all the tools in my box. On my belt? Whichever phrase you’d prefer to use I guess. To take the thought and bring it to its full conclusion…which we did together. But my point for blogging about this? First they tell you to NOT concentrate on the thoughts, then they tell you to concentrate on the thoughts. WTF. No wonder we’re all a little crazy, right? LOL

That’s all I have for today, I guess. I’m still hanging on to those cramps and the headache. The dry eyes are better but not completely resolved. The exhaustion is clearly still on me. Two more pills. Then whatever comes next.

(Oh, on a completely different note, I had a nightmareย last night about being bitten in the face by a vampire bat. WTF?? I woke myself up with muffled screaming. Yay.)

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10 responses to “Pill expedition update

  1. joeyfullystated

    February 13, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Oh I always concentrate on the thing. I allow myself obsession, and then I my tool is “the worst case scenario” and then magically, it subsides. I’ve heard several people say this doesn’t work for them, but 99% of the time, it works for me. Avoidance is the worst thing I can do for thought bombardment.
    For months, my husband sat beside me while I was in the tub, just venting my thought vomit. Now and again, it’s still adequate therapy.
    No good on the bat dream!

     
    • meANXIETYme

      February 13, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      I’ve not really been in this “thought bombardment” position before. I’ve obsessed over stuff–which inevitably leads to anxiety–but not really brushed stuff off. I thought I was doing my mindfulness “in-the-moment” deal, but now she’s telling me I should be addressing some of these thoughts.
      I get the whole “worst case scenario” tool, which we did today, and I know logically how to do it. I don’t necessarily feel like getting to the end of that scenario makes a difference for me. Logically, I know what I’m thinking is worst case scenario and is not likely, but it doesn’t take away the worry.
      Thought vomit. Awesome visual. ๐Ÿ™‚

       
      • joeyfullystated

        February 13, 2015 at 8:37 pm

        You know how I feel about good Feng Shui. I’m a purger ๐Ÿ˜‰
        You didn’t really say if you’re feeling better since you did the exercise…
        Two more pills…maybe by Wednesday you’ll be right as rain.

         
      • meANXIETYme

        February 13, 2015 at 8:56 pm

        LOL I wasn’t aware vomit (thought or otherwise) was on the Feng Shui list!

        I’m not sure if I feel better or not. I feel like the thought (we were talking about surgery–hysterectomy–and the worst case scenario) is still buzzing around. I get the idea that it’s not LIKELY that something dire would happen if I had to have the surgery…then again, my track record with stuff is just sucky. If there’s a side effect or an adverse reaction, it’s going to happen to me. So while I understand that I’d probably be okay, I still am afraid/worry that something bad would happen. Not to the point of anxiety/panic, just hovering on me.

        Did that answer your question? LOL I’m still sort of foggy so if that wasn’t what you were talking about…

        Two more pills (technically ONE because I took tonight’s pill! YAY!)

         
      • joeyfullystated

        February 13, 2015 at 9:02 pm

        YAY! Well I hope this is the worst of it, let’s just say that.
        Yes, it did answer it. And to be honest, this post was much more organized, letting me know you had some hope ๐Ÿ™‚
        Yeah, Feng Shui doesn’t care how, just clear out all the bad ๐Ÿ˜›

         
      • meANXIETYme

        February 13, 2015 at 9:44 pm

        Yes, let’s say it IS the worst of it. And buh-bye to that.

        I practice lots of tools and try lots of things. Even when I’m not sure it’s working, I still try to persist. Not sure that’s always the right thing to do, but it’s what I do. ๐Ÿ™‚
        Thanks for your support. I appreciate being able to hash some of this out!

         
  2. April

    February 15, 2015 at 9:32 am

    I never understood how I was supposed to *catch my thoughts*, but once I learned, I have been able to beat back the anxiety. My therapist told me to recognize the thought/feeling, let it pass through me, and move along. There is a little more to it, but it has helped me tremendously. I don’t focus on what causes anxiety, I just acknowledge it and ask myself a series of questions. I hope you’re feeling better!!!

     
    • meANXIETYme

      February 15, 2015 at 10:11 am

      I know that method, too. But I thought the point behind that was to say HEY THERE IT IS and let it go, like swatting a gnat. Now she tells me to take it and work through it with the WCS (worst case scenario) to remove the anxiety that comes with it. But if I swat it away like I thought I was supposed to, there’s no TIME for anxiety.
      So, I’m confused. ๐Ÿ™‚

       
      • April

        February 15, 2015 at 10:15 am

        Okay, I’m not sure I’ve had that instruction. I think I would be confused too. After the anxiety/panic, I can revisit the situation and work out the WCS so that the next time I’m confronted, I can quickly process what happened, but never at the moment of the anxiety producing event.

         
      • meANXIETYme

        February 15, 2015 at 10:23 am

        Yeah, I these thoughts buzz through my head so fast that I don’t have time for anxiety. It’s like the gnat bounces against my check, I bat it away, and it’s gone. I thought that was the point of all this, to be able to just “wave” it away and not worry about it. I think she’s thinking that’s too much avoidance and not so much dealing with the thought? Not sure.

        If I don’t ruminate on things, stuff just doesn’t progress to anxiety-inducing. So, avoidance or progress? *shrugs* WHO KNOWS?!

         

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