Pills a poppin’

05 Feb

So follow-up to my poppin’ pills post, I popped the first pill. I SKIMMED the leaflet that came with the pills, then made Hub read it, because even skimming it upset me. Then Hub came up to the bedroom (which is where I retire to after dinner most nights) to stay with me while I started my pill escapade. That was 2 1/2 hours ago. He left me here alone (he went downstairs) about an hour ago. I’m sitting with my heating pad because all my muscles hurt. I’m sure it’s not the pills, it’s how I handled the stress of taking the pills. My entire body was tense, I can feel the after-affects of it. Everything hurts. About an hour in, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked Hub to retrieve the heating pad from the family room because my arms and shoulder and neck were all killing me (and I cried at this point, too). I was shifting around a lot on the mattress, which I do when I’m anxious. And I was putting weight on my arms and shoulders to do that….and I was sitting hunched over which hurt my back and neck and shoulders.

I’m still in pain. I still feel restless and anxious. I tried to use the techniques I know to keep myself from going over the edge, but I don’t think they were entirely successful. Especially considering the shifting and the pain. My hands really hurt, too, which I’m noticing as I’m typing. Hands and arms. I’m not sure how I’m going to sleep, as I’m still feeling somewhat edgy. And of course the pain isn’t helping. I’ve already asked Hub if there was muscle pain on the leaflet, but he said not general muscle pain. More to the tune of leg pain, which I would assume is liken to blood clot type pain. See, even now I can feel my legs tensing. It sucks. I’m stuffy from crying, my whole body hurts, and I’m warm from the heating pad and edgy from anxiety. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep. I still feel like any minute I could have some kind of adverse reaction or side effect. I’m still anxious.

For some stupid-ass pills. Stupid-ass pills that hundreds of thousands of probably millions of women have taken and survived without injury or harm. And right at this moment, at least I can count myself among those who have taken the pills and come out the other side.

At least, the first of ten times. Ugh.


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8 responses to “Pills a poppin’

  1. joeyfullystated

    February 6, 2015 at 7:43 am

    I understand. I’m sorry you suffered. How are you feeling today?

    • meANXIETYme

      February 6, 2015 at 10:05 am

      I feel like I’ve been hit by a train, unfortunately. Every bit of me hurts. I know it’s from being tense and anxious, but man… My heating pad is going to get a workout today.

      It’s so difficult to explain to people what taking pills is like for me. What I have to go through. I hope tonight will be easier.

      • joeyfullystated

        February 6, 2015 at 1:34 pm

        I remember when I finally learned that all the aches and pains were from being tense. Terrible. Wishing you well.

      • meANXIETYme

        February 6, 2015 at 5:31 pm

        I just feel so crappy and tired and weak. I actually went to lay down for a couple of hours, which I almost never do anymore. I had a headache and my eyes were so heavy, I didn’t even feel up to sitting up anymore. I was in bed for almost 3 hours. I still feel like crap. I really hope this is all from my anxiety and not from the pills because I can’t handle this for 10 days…

      • joeyfullystated

        February 6, 2015 at 7:14 pm

        oh boy. I’m with you. Maybe tomorrow will be better ❤

      • meANXIETYme

        February 6, 2015 at 8:04 pm

        Thanks, I hope so.

  2. April

    February 6, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    Anxiety is more than mental. I don’t know how many times I find myself so tense and have the most difficult time trying to relax. I hope you’re feeling a bit better. You can do this!

    • meANXIETYme

      February 6, 2015 at 8:23 pm

      I know how hard it affects my body. It’s so frustrating to me that I do it to myself, you know? I try very hard to use my tools, but sometimes they just don’t work for me.
      I got through the pill session tonight much better than last night. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be feeling better physically, too. Thanks!


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