Enough already!

16 Dec

These PVCs are ’bout driving me crazy. Like I needed any help. I was fine for most of yesterday, with the flubadubas only coming and going here and there. This afternoon and tonight, they are back full force and I really just don’t want to have to deal with them. I have to go to my massage therapist tomorrow, and I’m not looking forward to going feeling the way I do. It’s too late to cancel (I’d have to pay in full, and it’s not covered by insurance), so I hope these damn things go away. As it is I feel like poop, and having to lay down for an hour while someone works on my trigger points (which is painful) while I’m getting PVCs repeatedly (and coughing, because I can’t seem to help it) is not something I want to do.

I want to WILL them away. I want to WILL my anxiety away. I want to WILL my depressive episodes away.I want to WILL myself to find hope and purpose. I want to WILL away the weight I’ve gained over the last year.

Well, that last one doesn’t count, because I should be able to do that one, I just can’t seem to get a handle on it.

Go away, flubadubas. GO AWAY. Leave me alone. I want to rest, I NEED to rest. I need to not feel that ripple of anxiety every time you do that premature THUMP. I need to not let my health anxiety take over.

I’m tired of this. I’m tired, period.


eta – I decided that it’d be a waste of my time and the massage therapist’s time to go to the appointment. I’d be so anxious that I wouldn’t get any benefit from the session. I’ll just have to eat the fee and deal with it.


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5 responses to “Enough already!

  1. joeyfullystated

    December 16, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    Okay, I’m still sorry you’re feeling like crap, but the massage thing should be alright. I once kept an appointment and when I came in and told her my kid was sick and I was a wreck over leaving her, she told me she wouldn’t have charged me if I rescheduled. I’m not saying lie and say you have a sick kid, BUT call first thing in the morning and report that you can’t leave the house — fever, vomiting, diarrhea, car problems, FLU. Just a suggestion. I had to do this when I had a dental appointment ($25 charge for cancellation) but I was vomiting, and she said if I rescheduled, I wouldn’t be charged. If you reschedule they might not charge you. They don’t want to get sick.

    • meANXIETYme

      December 17, 2014 at 9:50 am

      Yeah, I emailed and told her exactly what was going on with me. She said PVCs are a contraindication to massage, and it was outside my control. She told me not to worry about it, to let her know when I could reschedule. She was very kind about it, so it’s okay. I just hate doing that at the last minute to people.
      Thanks for the thoughts. If I had been SICK sick, I wouldn’t have given it another thought. But PVCs and anxiety didn’t feel like SICK, you know? Stupid of me to think that way.

      • joeyfullystated

        December 17, 2014 at 11:04 am

        No, it’s not stupid. You’re the only one living inside your body. Glad she was understanding 🙂

  2. April

    December 18, 2014 at 8:46 am

    I hope you can find a place of peace in your mind, and maybe those PVCs will go away. I know the fear they cause. Breathe in – breathe out.. 🙂

    • meANXIETYme

      December 18, 2014 at 9:17 am

      It didn’t help that Hub came home and told me this was all making HIM anxious. So I got up first thing this morning and called my cardio’s office…who said they couldn’t see me for TWO WEEKS. So I called HIS cardio’s office and after 15 minutes on hold, they hung up on me. So then I called my primary who said TWO WEEKS for an appointment. I finally told the scheduling person there that I couldn’t wait, I was very upset. So I go in to see a different doctor there this afternoon. *sigh*
      Also, I’ve done a LOT of breathing! LOL


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