I’ve talked about control before, and how I need to learn to let it go. Control is an illusion, yes?
But I guess this is a different type of control.
Mom had her infusion on the 20th, and since that point has had some up and down days. This past couple of days she’s been feeling okay, but kind of limiting her activities so as not to overdo it on any one day. And of course, with the chemo, comes the hair loss. But for mom, who is 10 days out from her first infusion, the hair loss hasn’t started yet. But her appointment for her wig fitting–sans hair–is in two days. Her hair isn’t even “shedding” yet, but we’re keeping the appointment.
Mom has plans over the 4th of July weekend, the wig dresser is unavailable after Wednesday of this week, and so we are kind of running out of options. When we talked about this last night, the choices included postponing the wig appointment until next week–which is already busy with three appointments–or going through with the appointment even though her hair is still on her head. I reminded Mom that she IS going to lose her hair, it’s not a question of if but when. And since she has plans for the weekend and wants to not have to worry about “shedding” and or losing her hair the day before (or day of) her plans, why not take control? Why not choose WHEN she loses her hair? Why not tell the stupid chemo FUCK YOU (which I did not say to my mother, obv) and decide when her hair goes. She can’t control the IF, but she can control the WHEN.
Wednesday’s appointment remains, and we’re making it a fun affair by going to lunch before with her long-time friend. And then all of us will tromp to the wig lady’s shop and we’ll laugh (and maybe cry) while Mom gets her head shaved. Then we’ll make her try on ridiculous wigs and take pictures of her, which we won’t share with anyone. Then we’ll get her new wig shaped and styled and we’ll leave. And Mom will be able to take a couple of days to get used to wearing the wig before she goes out over the weekend. And it’ll be done and we’ll take the next step, whatever it is.
Control. In a good way. Who knew?