To sleep, perchance NOT to dream

24 Jun

Please, I’m so tired. I don’t want to dream, because my dreams always end up being nightmares.

Last night (or early this morning, more specifically), I had a stupid snake dream again. This time Hub was in the dream with me, and I was upset that I thought he forgot to let Le Moo out before we left the house first thing in the morning. And we were somewhere where there were snakes all over us and I kept trying to swipe them off of him because they were tangled around his shoulders and in his hair (which is down past his shoulders).

It sucks. I know I’ve said it before, but your bed should be comforting and relaxing…it should give you rest and rejuvenation. Instead I feel like I’m always fighting for comfort and sleep. I’m always so restless and uncomfortable, whether it’s body aches or temperature, and I end up getting up two to three times a night to go to the bathroom. I think it’s because I’m uncomfortable and awake, otherwise I think I’d sleep through the night. I don’t know what to do to change things, which is the most frustrating. And I wake up so early these days and can’t get back to sleep, so I’m exhausted all day.

I know stress makes this worse, and for damn sure I’m stressed.

This morning, post-nightmare, I felt anxious. I wanted to type “I felt SO anxious”, but truthfully I know I’ve had it worse. But after not dealing with anxiety attacks for a while, I guess I didn’t immediately remember how bad it CAN be. I was anxious, though, and I felt my breath coming too fast. I couldn’t get it to regulate, but I knew full well that it was the nightmare affecting me, and that my stomach was upset. When my stomach is upset, I get anxious. I think I dozed for about 20 minutes, tossing and turning still, then gave up and got up. Now I’m downstairs in my family room, feeling like I could sleep for a couple of hours. But I don’t sleep during the day. I NEVER sleep during the day, no matter how tired or sick I feel. I may give in and lay down in bed, but sleep never comes. I end up laying there staring at the ceiling or listening to music or the tv.

I’m done, ya’ll. This sleep thing isn’t new, but today it just felt overwhelming again. I want so much to feel rested, but I fear that will never come.


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6 responses to “To sleep, perchance NOT to dream

  1. April

    June 24, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Yup, I can relate to this one, which you know. I hope tonight you will sleep peacefully and be able to rejuvenate.

    • meANXIETYme

      June 24, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      Thanks, I keep trying. 🙂

  2. joeyfullystated

    June 24, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    I’ve been suffering similarly to stress. Saturday night, I realized I had tossed and turned until dawn, and took half a pill. Sunday, I slept maybe around two hours, but again, I was awake at dawn, scared to death. Last night, I slept through the whole night. I’m hoping you will sleep like that tonight.
    The cycle of sleeplessness because of stress causing stress is horrendous.

    • meANXIETYme

      June 24, 2014 at 6:55 pm

      Oh no, Joey, that’s terrible. Sleeplessness is just the worst because it affects every part of you, physical, mental, emotional…and that downhill slide happens so fast. 😦
      I hope you continue to get better sleep. I’m still trying…

  3. MissRhiosace

    July 10, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    This is totally me right now!! I woke up in the middle of the night last night, screaming, and it was like the 3rd nightmare Id had. I got all teary because I just wanted to sleep without dreaming! It’s a vicious cycle because the less sleep you have, the quicker you’ll fall into a dream when you go to bed the next night, I try and catch up with naps (although I find I’m guaranteed to have a nightmare in the daytime, but it does eventually help me at night time).
    I empathise completely, I wake up with anxiety that lasts all day because of it. I really hope you are sleeping okay now.

    • meANXIETYme

      July 10, 2014 at 2:30 pm

      Sadly, sleeping still sucks for me, mostly because I wake up early and can’t get back to sleep. And I can’t nap during the day…I have no idea why.
      I feel for you. Those nightmares are painful. And I hate waking up anxious because I feel like it lingers all freaking day!


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