My brain, his brain, no brain…

20 Apr


So for many many many years, we have been running a web server and mail server for our immediate family (parents, siblings) and for some family businesses. This started with one of my brothers, who had the experience to set this up for the family, but not much of the interest to maintain the server. Even so, he set it up, and taught Hub and me how to do the work. Both Hub and I are computer people (our careers…his still, mine in the past), so the knowledge was good for us. It was also good because when my brother wasn’t interested in doing the maintenance, Hub and I did it. And when I started my publishing company, we used the server to host the website and run the store and do all that good stuff. The responsibility for the server became ours. And about seven years ago, the company sprang for new, more professional hardware, that Hub and I set up. And maintained. And we took on a friend as a client, hosting their company’s website as well.

Now, with the publishing company closed and the need for such major hardware no long required, we began talking about downgrading. The cost for hosting the server is pretty high, and our needs as a family were pretty low. Additionally, the hardware we had was getting old (in the grand scheme of computer parts), and we’d been lucky to not really experience any issues up until now. We (collectively as a family) decided to go ahead and downgrade to something smaller and easier. It was really more a decision on Hub’s and my part, because we’re the one doing the setup and maintenance and we’re the one who will have to deal with a third party if we no longer have our own hardware. But the benefit of not having to deal with hardware upkeep has outranked the negative of having to deal with a third party.

Okay. So that brain v. brain part? I’ve been spending the last week working on getting websites moved, including blogs and stores, which requires databases. So not only did I have to install and configure software, I had to export and import data. Not the easiest of tasks and really time-consuming. But I did it as methodically as I possibly could. Meanwhile, Hub’s job was to install and configure users and email (and anti-spam software). Me, a week’s worth of work. Hub, he spent four hours on it today. Then, when he decided he was tired of working and stopped…and he told me to stop, but I continued. And then I fucked up something big. And now we can’t get into the server to do anything anymore. And no access to tech support for the provider until Monday.

Hub yelled at me for “not listening” to him. Because when he says to stop working, everything should come to a halt. Because when his brain requires a break, so should everyone else’s. Because when his brain needs to reset for another day, everyone else’s brain should too. Only I don’t work that way. And neither does my brain. I need to keep working at a steady progress until my brain says “stop now.” If I stop to wait for another day, I’ll forget everything I’ve done, everything I’ve tried to make something work, and everything I wanted to try to get that something to work. I come up against a brick wall and that makes me even more determined to break through the wall. Hub comes up against a brick wall and decides that the wall is probably pretty thick and maybe another day the wall won’t be as thick and maybe another day and the wall might just disappear. It’s different paths, and that’s fine. Unless you’re Hub, who thinks his path is the only path for everyone.

So when I broke the server? He yelled at me. And I yelled at him. And we yelled back and forth. Then we sat down and had dinner. A really quiet, quiet dinner.

After dinner, we tried to circumvent the stuff I broke, without success, only to find out about an hour later that the only way to fix what I broke (maybe) was to contact tech support and ask them to fix it. Only to find out another hour later that tech support is only open Monday – Friday. Which means tomorrow is a lost day for me.

I work at a determined pace for a reason. There are times when I can function and times when I can’t. Times when the function is high and times when the fog is too dense for me to concentrate. So when I’m able to work, I work a lot, and for long, straight hours, until I finish or until I can’t push any further. Hub doesn’t have that issue. He’s pretty normal, and doesn’t have physical or mental challenges like that. When he has to work, he can sit down and do it. (Does he? Not always. He’s a procrastinator and he has ADD. And even when something HAS to be done, he doesn’t always get to it. But I digress…) I’m not like that. I can’t always sit down and do when it needs to be done. So when I can do, I make extensive use of my time.

I’m itching to do more tomorrow. If I could figure out how to convince him to let me start from scratch tomorrow on my part of the work, I would do it. But he’s already clamped down tonight and warned that he’s not going to do anything until he hears from tech support…maybe on Monday. Pffft.

Sometimes we work really well together on this kind of stuff, and sometimes really really not. And when it’s not, it’s really really not. Really really really.


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4 responses to “My brain, his brain, no brain…

  1. April

    April 20, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    My husband refers to me as “entertainment” when we try to work together. He has also learned to move out of my way. But then again, we don’t work on the same thing together. Never. 🙂

    • meANXIETYme

      April 20, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      Hub and I actually worked together a lot in the business world. In a lot of the instances, we shared a physical office in the company AND I was his boss. It worked fine because we generally had different expertise and when there was crossover, we approached the problem from different angles. But now we’re out of the habit of being able to work together… Also, he’s gotten a lot more touchy about stuff and I’ve gotten less interested in doing the computer type of work that he still does. 🙂

  2. joeyfullystated

    April 21, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    I’ve had very similar quiet dinners. lol
    I hope it’s fixed soon!


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