The unknown years

28 Feb

When I was young, I worked. I worked for my mother’s office before I was legally able to work, mostly admin stuff and some computer desktop work. Filing, mailings, that kind of stuff. Nothing terribly exciting, but they paid me, and it was before I really knew what a 9-5 job was like.

When I got into junior high school–before it was a middle school, FYI–I was bored. I was bored with school, bored with studying, and I wanted to start saving for my own car. My older brothers all had cars, so I wanted a car. So at fourteen, I got a special permit to work, and I got a job in food services. I worked after school and on weekends. Someone in my family had to drive me to-and-from work because it was too far away to walk. After about a year, I moved into retail, where I worked both as a sales person and as a cashier. Most of my time was as a cashier. I worked summers, after school, weekends…as often as they would allow so that I could continue to save money. I bought my grandparents’ old car. Then I bought my own car…a convertible.

In high school, I was still working retail, but I also started to dabble in computers. I began repairing computers for people on the side, and I started using a computer at home. I learned everything I could about computers, about software programs…word processing, spreadsheets, databases. I learned to help other people with computers. I got a part-time job working with computers when I got into college. Then I went part-time with college and full-time with computers. I never wondered what career I’d be in or what major I’d have in college.

Now, here I am, after my computer career has ended, and my writing (and publishing) career has stalled. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to still be publishing and I’d LOVE to still be writing books…but I am not. It’s not working for me right at the moment, so I am at a loss. I feel like a twenty-year-old who is trying to decide what major to pick in college. I’m “back-packing around Europe to find myself”…only I’m still at home.

I never wandered, or raised a fuss, or partied, or lazed around. I worked from the time I was able to, and I educated myself on my own and through formal schools. I knew what I wanted to do, what I enjoyed, what made me happy and furthered my life. Now, I’m lost and stagnating. And bored. I’m living the unknown years at the wrong time in my life. And it stinks.


Posted by on February 28, 2014 in about me, anxiety, change, feeling lost, future, history


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5 responses to “The unknown years

  1. joeyfullystated

    February 28, 2014 at 11:05 am

    The years I worked the hardest at my jobs were the same years I partied hardest. (age 22-24) It was a good time in my life. I’m not very good at partying now, lol! I’m very old ๐Ÿ˜›
    Maybe backpacking through Europe would be a little rough on your knees, but you could train and bus — or you could just take a class that piques your interest?

    • meANXIETYme

      February 28, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      I was always too old to party! LOL Really, I just wasn’t the party type…I was more into finishing school and making money.
      I wish I had something that piqued my interest because I would consider taking a class. But right now, I got nuthin’. I keep hoping something will spark, but it hasn’t yet.

      • joeyfullystated

        February 28, 2014 at 9:34 pm

        Maybe you really just need to take it easy for a bit ๐Ÿ™‚

      • meANXIETYme

        February 28, 2014 at 10:33 pm

        I would agree, except that I’m BORED. There’s a fine line between taking it easy and being bored out of your gourd! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • joeyfullystated

        February 28, 2014 at 11:21 pm

        True. Sorry!


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