Guilty me

28 Jan

Does anyone else have this issue? Do you feel guilty about, say, everything?

Last week I had a PT appointment setup for Wednesday. This was right around a big snowstorm in our area, plus it was frigid cold. I went to a doctor’s appointment in the terrible storm with my mom…the roads were horrible, it took us twice as long to make the drive as it normally would. When we got home, I called my PT office and cancelled my appointment. In the year I’ve been going, I can count how many time I’ve had to cancel on one hand. Not even a whole hand. But I felt terribly guilty because I know E loses money from the appointment. Plus, it wasn’t the full 24 hours they request. But I was so tired from Mom’s appointment and I knew we were heading for multiple appointments on Thursday…and the Wednesday I was due for PT was supposed to be SOOOO COLD…and I’d need my father to drive me because of the roads. So I cancelled. And I felt shrouded in guilt.

Monday morning, which was supposed to be PT for me, the office called early to tell me that E had the flu. The prior week, the other physical therapist was out with the flu (Hub’s PT), but came back in time for his next appointment. Then hacked and coughed all over, although she wore a mask during the appointment. It scared the crap out of me because she could have given it to Hub (and subsequently me). So now the flu has been passed to E and her son… And I just got my appointment confirmation in email for tomorrow. And I don’t want to go. I don’t even know for sure that E will be back, but I do not want to risk getting the flu from E. I know she was at work on Friday, so if she got the flu over the weekend, I feel like she’d still be contagious if she came in today and/or tomorrow. And I do not want to get the flu. (I also heard from Hub that the other therapist in the office who also does acupuncture ALSO has the flu!) But I’m once again riddled with guilt over cancelling an appointment. I’ve spent so much time with E and the therapy aide, and I like talking to them. I feel like they are friends, so I don’t like taking away their work or disappointing them by not showing up.

I’ve talked to T about my guilt issues, and she tells me that she isn’t sure she can break through that with me. She thinks it is too deeply ingrained. Lucky me. But seriously, I have gotten better at saying NO and at thinking of myself when I need to make a decision that will fill me with guilt. Sometimes, though, it still gets the better of me.

But it’s the flu. And I don’t think I can screw around with that. Ugh.




Posted by on January 28, 2014 in anxiety, guilt, physical therapy


Tags: , ,

5 responses to “Guilty me

  1. joeyfullystated

    January 28, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Given your health fears, I must say, the flu would be scary. I do not fear the flu, but many people do.
    Better to feel guilty about a friendly therapist losing money than your father driving in bad weather. — Good call on that one. Don’t think anyone would argue that one.
    I left guilt behind a long time ago. Now and again, I’ll find myself guilty, and I must tell myself it is what it is, no changing it now. Guilt and fear travel together.

    • meANXIETYme

      January 28, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      Despite what it sounds like, I AM working on the guilt thing. And I HAVE gotten better. Just every now and then I get this rash of it where I feel like I’m just mired in it every time I make a decision.
      I am, as always, a work in progress! πŸ™‚
      I was going to say that I don’t fear the flu, but I kinda do. Not in an anxiety kind of phobic way, but just in the way of knowing that it would hang around longer for me than normal healthy people, and I just do not want to deal with that!

      • joeyfullystated

        January 28, 2014 at 4:01 pm

        Well now I feel guilty for saying you have health fears, lol! πŸ˜‰

      • meANXIETYme

        January 28, 2014 at 8:04 pm

        LMAO No guilt among us, PLEASE! πŸ˜‰

      • joeyfullystated

        January 28, 2014 at 8:50 pm

        Hehe πŸ™‚


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