Sleep but not rest

09 Jan

I woke up this morning as Hub was getting ready to go downstairs for his breakfast before leaving for work. I found myself flat on my back, arms straight along my sides, my hands curled into light fists. Hub leaned over to kiss me good-bye, we exchanged I love yous, and he left the room. And I laid there, staring at the ceiling, taking inventory of my body. It was just before 8am.

My inventory came back with sucky results. I’d turned off the lights the night before at 11:11pm. It took me a while to fall asleep–which is not unusual–and I know I’d tossed and turned throughout the night. I was up at 6am to go to the bathroom, and luckily I’d fallen back asleep for a while. But again I remember not being able to get comfortable. So my morning inventory told me that I must have curled my toes in my sleep because my toes ached. The fronts and backs of my calves felt sore, like I’d walked a mile overnight. Both my hips ached, which I knew overnight because I had trouble sleeping on either side. Did my hips ache because I’d tried to sleep on them or did I toss and turn so much because they ached before I’d hit the sheets? I don’t know. I did know that I’d tried sleeping curled on both sides because my lower back ached. I thought sleeping on my side in a fetal-type position would ease the ache in my back, but my hips hurt, so I tossed and turned from side to side. My shoulders hurt and so did my neck, probably from sleeping on my back with the pillow wedged beneath my head. My arms were tired from having them shoved under a pillow (bent at the elbow) when I was trying to sleep on my side. My fingers hurt a lot from having them curled into fists. Probably while I slept, the fists were tight, even though at the time of inventory my hands were not tightly fisted. My jaw hurt from clenching and grinding overnight, and my teeth felt sensitive.

Sleep is supposed to restore you and your body. Your muscles require it as much as your mind does. I’ve slept, fitfully and restlessly, and feel absolutely no relief in the morning. I feel like I’ve been someone’s punching bag. With my myofascial pain syndrome, the fascia around my muscles remain taught and hard on an everyday basis…the fascia abusing the muscles beneath them. Without restorative sleep, my muscles don’t repair and the pain snowballs. My snowball is large now, and I’m careening downhill. I wish there was a mattress at the bottom, but even then I’m not sure I’d find rest or comfort.


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6 responses to “Sleep but not rest

  1. joeyfullystated

    January 9, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Ooh. I’ve been there. The jaw is the worst, if you ask me. Clenching that jaw all night, locking up your teeth. Ow. I hope tonight is different!

    • meANXIETYme

      January 9, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      I used to have a night guard for the clench and grinding. First one I had I used so well that I chewed through it. The dentist was so proud. LOL
      But after that I was never able to get one that fit properly again. So I stopped wearing one altogether. 😦
      Wish I could say my sleep has improved, but not so much…

      • joeyfullystated

        January 10, 2014 at 12:04 am

        I stopped clenching. I no longer do it. I am so grateful my anxiety has improved. I do so hope one day you’ll stop, too!

      • meANXIETYme

        January 10, 2014 at 10:11 am

        I don’t clench and grind because of anxiety, it’s because of stress. 🙂 Not that THAT is any better, of course!

      • joeyfullystated

        January 10, 2014 at 11:20 am

        Ah, well, may you lose stress instead of sleep!

      • meANXIETYme

        January 10, 2014 at 11:22 am



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