I worry for my husband. You know from previous post that his job is in jeopardy. November 3rd came upon us and Hub’s employer told him to come in to work on the following Monday. They claim to be trying to find a contract to put him on, but so far that has not happened. He goes to work and waits for word at the end of the day as to whether or not he should come in the next morning. It is so stressful for him that it makes me worry about his mental AND physical health.
I know as well as the next person what stress and anxiety can do to you physically. And as much as he says he’s not feeling anxious, I don’t think it’s possible to live with his level of stress and not-knowing without having some anxiety about it. Yes, it might not be anxiety to the level that I have had to deal with, but there are many types and levels of anxiety. I do wish he would go talk to someone, but he’s not interested. Not to say he hasn’t tried, but he’s never been comfortable talking about his feelings, and that has left him with uncomfortable and unfulfilled visits with therapist of varying degrees. It makes me sad because I feel that T has helped me in a number of ways. Yes, she does say things I don’t agree with, but she’s open to discussion about those things when I bring them up. And yes, there are times when I feel like my session has been a waste of breath–because I’m chattering and taking up time and she doesn’t always redirect me when I wish she had–but the majority of our sessions lead somewhere. And I do feel she has been a large part of why I’ve been able to move forward in a lot of ways. But he digs in his heels and says he won’t go talk to anyone again. I can do nothing but let him make his own decision.
So I do what I can, listen when I can, and be supportive. But it worries me that living with his level of stress over his job and over having to take care of and support me on his own…it’s a lot. And it takes its toll. And Hub is not necessarily the healthiest of people (no judgement…neither am I!), so any added stress is bad. I guess stress is bad for everyone, but at the moment, he’s the one I’m talking about.
And I have added guilt that he is the one who has to take care of us both. He’s the only one working to support us, and many many times he is the one taking care of us in lots of ways. He does most of the cooking and a lot of the shopping on his own (though I go as often as I can). He does the lion’s share of cleaning, too, when I cannot. And he takes care of the dogs every evening and through most of the weekends. Again, I do what I can, but he’s the one who picks up all the slack when it’s needed. And since I can’t really work, it means he is responsible for paying for everything…mortgage, food, bills, car payments, insurance, all those everyday things that are required to sustain us. It also means his job is really really important. The last one he had, he kept for much longer than anyone should have to, considering how they treated him and how painful it was for him. Now he’s in this position where they don’t know what to do with him, but he has nowhere else to go. Jobs are scarce for him, so he’s stuck in this horrible limbo with his current company.
I worry a lot for him, I really really do. I wish I could be of help more, because all of this is affecting his health. And I love him so much, it hurts me to think of him being stressed like this.
I only hope next year is a better one for all of us. And I wish it for all of you!