My mother’s friend, M, is coming for dinner tomorrow night. She and my mother worked together and have been friends for over 16 years, so M is pretty much considered family at this point. We tried to get her to come for Thanksgiving, but she was with her daughter and family, so we forgave her. But since she hasn’t been to see our “new” houses since we moved in two years ago, we finally convinced her to come. She lives about an hour away, but really between her new retirement and my aunt’s passing and my mom retiring and me being sick…things just got away from all of us.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing M because I haven’t actually seen her in two years. But the drawback is, since she hasn’t seen our house, I desperately wanted to clean up before she came. Unfortunately, me and housework don’t get along so good. Anything requiring bending and scrubbing requires more than my body can handle. The last time we had visitors to see the house–my father-in-law and his wife–I was on the cusp of my “Prilosec fever” and just days away from the infamous ER visit and subsequent major panic attack. I was so sick that I couldn’t clean, so we decided to have a cleaning company come in. I searched for and found a reputable company on Angie’s List who had a great coupon, and had them come out to clean. We had them concentrate on bathrooms and kitchen, all of which required tile scrubbing and baseboard cleaning. My mom came over to supervise, but in the end the cleaners did a crappy job. I regret and resent having spent money on that when I could have done equally as lousy a job and not paid for it (in money, anyway).
Now I know that the plan for M to come to dinner has been on the schedule for a couple of weeks. But I didn’t want to do a “deep” clean too early and have stuff get dirty again. I mean, we do have two big, long-haired dogs (one of which drools), a yard that is more leaves and dirt than grass, and my husband. 🙂 And unbeknownst to me, Hub made plans for today, the day I had expected to spend cleaning. So while he did his thing, I tried to clean.
I did a few things around the house when I could in the morning, around watching the dogs, and then when he took over dog-duty with his friends, I went to clean our master bathroom and shower. Our shower is large, tiled floor and walls, with two sides made of glass/glass doors. And the truth is, I don’t clean it that much, because it IS a pain in the ass. I do my best to keep it clean by wiping down after showers, but Hub doesn’t. And sometimes things just need a deep clean to really get it looking good. And so that’s what I tried to do. And I spent three hours doing it, because I started by trying to clean it with the easiest tricks…which didn’t work. So I ended up scrubbing and scrubbing by hand. And by the time Hub came to check on me, I was exhausted, in pain, and crying. I’m still not happy with how the shower looks, and I had to leave the sink and toilet for Hub to do tomorrow, and still I’m in so much pain I can’t even explain it. My knees are throbbing, my neck is killing me, my arms are sore, my shoulders are aching, my feet hurt, and my back hurts. I finished doing what I could, cleaned up the mess I made by attempting to clean, and then I stripped and laid down in bed. On my side, curled in a ball, in the dark (because by then the sun had set)…and I cried. I hurt so much and I hate it. I hate that my body can’t do things that need to be done. I hate that doing this one thing has wiped me out for everything else that needed to be done. Hub has already vacuumed and tomorrow he’s doing the rest of the bathrooms and mopping the kitchen & breakfast room floor. I just have to give up on the rest of it. I had hoped to bathe Le Moo because she stinks and M hasn’t met her, either. But there’s no way in hell, considering how hard it is on my body to bathe LM.
I hate being embarrassed over the messiness in my house, because I feel that it reflects on me as a person, which I know is incredibly stupid. Truthfully, M is a wonderful woman and I know she won’t judge me for how messy my house is. It’s pride that eggs me on to clean for people I care about. Even though I know I can’t clean everything, I wish I could get the majority of the house cleaned and picked up. But it isn’t going to happen. I’m going to have trouble sleeping tonight because of the pain I’m in as it is. I’ve already pushed myself too far. I don’t know why I do that sometimes. Sometimes I’m good and know my limits, other times I push too hard even though I know better.
And I’m still resentful of my body and how it betrays me.