This has been a crappy crappy day.
It rained. It was raining when I woke up, it was raining when I had to go to PT, it was raining when I got home. I was going to drive myself to PT in the rain, but by the time I had to leave, it was pouring so bad that I chickened out and had to ask my mom to take me. She didn’t mind, but it made me feel like a failure for not driving myself. I hate driving in the rain–I worry so much about spinning out or sliding, both of which I’ve done in the past–even back before I got sick. I had a car that was notoriously bad in rain and snow and one time just on wet pavement, I did a 360 degree spinout…with cars rushing by me. I hit my head on the doorframe of the car and freaked myself out. So although I’ve driven in the rain a few times, today it was coming down really hard and I just couldn’t do it. PT was okay, but by the time I was done, stuff hurt. And it was still raining when I got home and my poor dogs didn’t want to be outside. Le Moo hadn’t peed since dinner time the night before and I just kept begging her to go out and pee already. (She finally did at about 7pm today…that’s 24 hours!)
So when I get home from PT, Butthead is acting funky. And two days ago she puked all over my freshly cleaned family room carpet, so I was worried about her. And Hub and I are trying to figure out why the hell the stairs going down to our basement smell musty and gross. I’m worried we have a leak behind the drywall or something and that mold is growing in hidden areas. And I’m worried what it’s doing to my health and what repairs are going to do to our wallets. So Hub makes an appointment for someone to come inspect tomorrow (when I’m home alone btw), and 2nd appointment for Monday evening. So I get to deal with the dogs and some stranger tromping through the house tomorrow.
Then Hub gets home and he tells me that if the government shutdown isn’t over by Tuesday, he’s going to have to take paid time off…and he can only go in the hole for 40 hours (he has 2 days saved up). After that, it’s no pay. And even after the shutdown is over? They only have 30 days of work left for him. They’re looking “really hard” to find him more work, but at this point I don’t see that as likely. So I’m scared shitless he’ll be out of work and we won’t be able to pay our bills. He’s only been with this company since June and already they’re letting him down. I’m so pissed and angry and scared. His foot is still bad and not getting better…and if he loses his job we’ll be without health insurance. We can’t afford to be without health insurance between his issues, his medications, and all my issues? Fuck, I want to curl up in a ball and cry. And you know what Hub says to me? Don’t worry. I’m worrying enough for both of us. To which I tell him to stuff it, that there’s no way I can’t worry about this stuff. And he tells me it makes him feel worse to know that I’m worrying, which makes ME feel worse. ARG.
So then Hub goes down to the basement and tries to come back up on our elevator. And gee, guess what? The elevator ain’t working. So he tries to reset it, but that doesn’t work. So I go downstairs to reset it (because I’ve done it before and he hasn’t) and that doesn’t work either. I climb the stairs (on unhappy knees) back to the bedroom to find the paperwork on the elevator and I make the after-hours phone call. I left a long, rambling, sad message for those poor people, finally just asking them to call me the next day. I’m so fucking tired and feel such a heaviness, I have no idea what I said on the freaking voicemail. But the bad news is, we have no repair contract on the elevator, so whatever needs to be repaired is going to be out-of-pocket. A hit to the wallet we don’t need right now with Hub’s job hanging on the way it is.
Bad day. Bad, bad, fucking day.