As you may have read, my in-laws were in a terrible accident a few weeks ago. My FIL has a broken shoulder in three places, my MIL did some pretty major damage to her foot and had a horrible infection on her leg that refused to go away. Fortunately, she is healing, though his damage is a lot more extensive, and they won’t do surgery because he has a lot of immune system issues (and inflammation) that makes them wary of operating unless absolutely necessary. I believe they are hoping his breaks will heal, albeit slowly, without surgery.
So we have offered repeatedly to help them, but there is a LOT of family in our area (and family friends), and so they’ve been well taken care of. Of course Hub did run to Florida to help them, and meet them at the auto-train so they didn’t have to drive the 90 minutes home from the train. And Hub (and I) paid for his and his brother’s airline ticket, for all the hotels for the two of them, the rental car, the gas home, groceries for them in their hotel in Florida, the hotel on the way home…and etc. It was not a small amount of money, and neither his brother nor his parents (step-father and mother) offered to chip in for anything. Even though the insurance was paying for a lot of their costs in Florida…not one word of “oh could we reimburse you for…” — nada. And I am extraordinarily grateful that we were able to afford it, because if you are going to spend a lot of money this is the reason. Family. Emergencies. They are why you save so when things like this happen, you can go and do and take care and not have to worry about affording it. This is why I wear shit clothes that are 10+ years old, and have shoes that I’ve been wearing since we lived in the townhouse (more than 10 years old). When I buy clothes (rare event) I buy the cheap stuff and wear it until it’s pilled and threadbare. This is why we don’t buy furniture and have our walls painted and put up huge decks on the house or install a swimming pool. This is why we wait until our car is paid off before even considering buying another. Family and emergencies. I get it, I am so grateful that we have been able to go help them when they really needed us.
Hub’s mother’s birthday is coming up. Hub’s sister is flying in from California to join us to celebrate. So lovely, as she hardly ever comes back east…sometimes even missing Christmas. They’ve been talking about going to dinner with the whole family, which is very very nice. No question we would go. Now Hub tells me that they want to have dinner at his mom’s house. Why? I ask. So she has to clean the house before people come over, so she has to cook her own birthday dinner, and then clean up afterwards? He tells me his step-father doesn’t want to go out to dinner because his prominent hand is the one at the end of the broken shoulder, and he’s embarrassed to try to eat out with the wrong hand. He is always self-centered like this. So I said he should suck it up. But Hub said he (Hub) told his mother he forbade her from cooking, that he would pick up food. So she says, “great! we want crabs.” Do you have any idea how expensive crabs are? And we’re going to have to feed the whole fucking family (minus me, who doesn’t actually EAT crabs)…and they’re just expecting us to fucking pay for all those fucking expensive crabs? I was actually so livid that I told him that we needed to put the conversation aside for the time being.
I shouldn’t be angry. I should be happy we can afford the things we need to afford. But I’m so angry that they are so selfish and ungrateful, and so inconsiderate. I can’t even explain to you how poorly they treat my husband, their son, and yet they are so ungrateful and inconsiderate of him. I’m seriously so angry I want to cry. I want to cry for him because they treat him like shit and yet do this to him…expect him to just do whatever they want no matter the cost. No matter what it takes from him. You don’t do things so that people are grateful, but you would expect they would at least treat you with love and kindness…and they don’t. And there’s not a damn fucking thing I can do about it, because they are his parents and he loves them…
My parents treat him more like a son than his own parents do… either his step or biological. My parents show their love and appreciation a thousand times more than any of his parents. I am so appreciative and thankful of how my parents love him and show him that.
But I’m so fucking angry.