Yesterday I had PT. I took the SUV to my appointment as usual, went through the work with the Physical Therapist, then did my exercises with the therapist assistant. They had me doing some more intense work, trying to get the muscle really strengthened. We tried this set of exercises before, but it inflamed the muscle too much and had to put it off. Now we’re trying again. I hope we can continue with it.
After PT, I went to Wegman’s. Those of you with anxiety will understand. Wegman’s is large and overwhelming to those who don’t have anxiety…for those of us who do it’s like sensory overload. So I went to PT, driving myself, then drove to the Wegman’s and parked (anxiety-inducing as it is a parking garage with tight lanes and tight spacing!), then went in to pick up a couple of items. Here’s the thing…I don’t shop alone. I’m barely getting back into driving alone, and a few times I’ve stopped at a clothing store on the way home, but it was small and familiar. Wegman’s is large and we’ve only been 4 times since it opened. So I grabbed a small cart and headed for the gluten free section to find my bread, which was the main reason I was stopping there. After that, I started heading around to other areas to pick up some stuff for my mom and a couple of things that we can only get at Wegman’s. I didn’t rush through, I didn’t panic, I didn’t even get the flubadubas (which I generally get even when I go there with Hub). I made my way around the store to get what I needed and headed for the checkout.
It was busier than I had anticipated and the one checkout where there was only one person in line? The woman was wearing a surgical mask. Of course that could mean she was sick and trying not to pass her germs…or she was immune-compromised…or a germaphobe. No way to know. But despite a moment of health anxiety cropping up, I pushed my cart up behind her and started loading items onto the belt. She finished with her checkout and I got up to the counter and did my thing…and pushed the basket out to the parking garage. I loaded up the SUV and squeezed my way back out of the parking spot (next to a huge post and I was able to avoid taking off my side view mirror) and headed home. I made it home unscathed, brought the packages in and unpacked everything.
And I was done. I went to Wegman’s alone. Drove there, parked there, shopped there, drove home. Alone. By myself. Without even a ripple of anxiety. I can’t tell you the last time I did something like that…and I’m so fucking proud of myself.