All the damn time.
I can’t figure it out, why I do that. I don’t think there’s a thing that happens that I don’t marinate on, chew on, roll around in my head. I am trying so hard to remind myself to be in the moment so that I stop spending my time thinking about things. It’s not like I only think about things in the future, but I think about things in the past, things that are happening in the moment, things that I know I will have to think about eventually. It’s like, it doesn’t matter what it is, I grab onto it and find a way to analyze it.
It’s not all “worries” that I have in my head. Sometimes it is just things I know I have to do…though I guess that could be categorized as something I’m “worrying” about remembering to do. I try to write things down a lot when I know I have to remember something, so I don’t have to worry about it. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. These days, I’m waking up so early and am unable to get back to sleep because my brain clicks on. It used to be I couldn’t fall asleep at night because my brain wouldn’t turn off. Now it seems I can shut down within about 30 minutes at night (most nights, anyway), but my brain is punishing me by turning on as soon as I open my eyes in the morning and not letting me sleep.
In five days, New Dog will arrive. I know my schedule is going to be very interrupted because I will be worried about how she and Le Moo are getting along. So it is possible I will have to be up at early hours to keep watch of their interactions. The age-old question for me is whether it is better to attempt to get lots of rest before she arrives so I can handle the high stress of being on watch all the time…or get my body adjusted to less rest because that’s what I’m going to be living in for a while. If anyway has an answer, I’d love to hear it. Of course, by the time this publishes, I’ll already be in the thick of it… *sigh* But I’m spending so much time thinking about the New Dog and how things are going to work. Especially now that my aunt has passed, we’re going to need to be cleaning up her estate and home, which is several hours away. That means figuring out how to arrange our lives around traveling there, our dogs (including New Dog and Cray-cray Lab), everybody’s job, etc. It’s going to be a mess…and I can’t stop thinking about how to figure it all out so it works.
The thing is, I know I’m in my head all the time. And I know it isn’t good, but I haven’t figured out how to stop it. This seems to be a repeat problem for me…I can identify what the hell I’m doing and that it isn’t good for me, yet I can’t figure out how to change it. It’s so damn frustrating.
This was an oddly rambling post. Almost like the one damn post about thinking about stuff too much and it seems like I didn’t think about it at all. Pffft.