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Doggone it

19 May

I sometimes cannot understand how hub deals with me. But I’m trying to get better at apologizing for the times when I snap at him because I’m anxious or fearful about something. I don’t do it all the time (snap at him), but it does happen. Actually, I often cannot understand how hub deals with me. But I’m so thankful he can (and does).

So you know from previous reading that we are dog lovers. Prior, we had a dog who had no interest in allowing us to add a second dog to our household. But bless my Sweet Pea, she left us in fall 2011. A few months later we adopted our current rescue…we’ll just call her Le Moo. She’s as big as a small cow. Well, she is! But she’s a good girl, a bit independent, but loving when she chooses to be so. And she loves herself some food. She seems to be pretty darn social with other dogs…we have yet to have her meet one she either doesn’t tolerate or like. Even my parent’s cray-zeee lab, who tries to run her over and chew on her when they play. And Le Moo only plays when she really wants to, which isn’t nearly as often as Cray-cray Lab. So we had hoped to adopt a second dog since Le Moo is so easy-going with other dogs. I’ve been looking pretty constantly for the last year or so, and we’ve been working with several breed rescues during that same period of time. Meanwhile, we’ve had some issues finding the breed and gender and size and age dog we want. In that order, Newfoundland or Bernese Mountain dog (or mixes), female, BIG BIG BIG, 2-4 years old. In both the breeds that interest us, males seem to be more available than females for some reason. And our area doesn’t seem to have a lot of rescues in those breeds. We’ve considered one or two adoptions, but for some reason or the other did not pursue them past contacting the rescue for more information on the dog.

But as you now suspect, this issue has come to a head. I found a dog that meets our criteria, with the minor exception that she is supposed to be around 18 months old, and she’s slightly smaller than I would have preferred. But I’m hopeful that she’ll fill out a bit more (she’s underweight, actually) as she gets a bit older, and the foster says she’s pretty easy-going. And in fact, the foster admitted that he had considered keeping her because she’s such an easy dog to have. Meanwhile, the big issue…she’s almost 1400 miles away. Ye-ah. But fortunately, in this day and age there are many transport options available for people rescuing dogs out of state. And also fortunately, the rescue we are dealing with has a transport they use often (the foster has actually used PERSONALLY), so we’re not going in blind. But we missed the transport from this past weekend and the next one isn’t until the end of the month! That’s three weeks from now (future publishing on WordPress! Woo!), and I think I might go nuts waiting.

It’s not necessarily the kind of excited nuts you would be expecting, though. Making this decision to add another dog (sight unseen) is very stressful and anxiety-inducing for me. I talked it “to death” says hub, and worried over every potential bad thing that could happen. Even tonight, after the decision was made, I was walking through a store and I thought “we need dog bowls” and I felt that ripple of anxiety go through my chest and stomach. It does go away, but it means it’s going to be a repeated “ripple” every time I think of the new dog, or something we have to do in prep for the new dog, or what’s going to happen when the new dog arrives… Oy.

Let’s see, worry list coming:

  1. New Dog and Le Moo will not get along and there will be fights and potential harm in either/both direction
  2. New Dog and Le Moo will need to be constantly separated
  3. New Dog and Cray-cray Lab will not get along
  4. New Dog will not be able to go with us to my parents where Cray-cray Lab lives
  5. We will not be able to dog sit (short or long-term) for Cray-cray Lab because New Dog does not get along with her
  6. New Dog eats the house
  7. New Dog spends the next six months peeing in the (relatively newly built) house (been there, done that)
  8. New Dog will bark all the time
  9. New Dog will run away
  10. New Dog will get sick
  11. I will spend my days following New Dog around the house because I can’t trust her not to destroy, pee, or leave Le Moo alone
  12. The cost of food will bankrupt us (two dogs the size of small cows? OY!) Also see: vet bills.
  13. The dogs will fight over beds, food, toys, us, etc, requiring constant monitoring of “are they okay or are they going to attack one another”
  14. Did I mention I am home all the time? Alone? And therefore will be responsible on my own for both dogs from the time hub leaves for work at 7am until he gets home at 5:30 or 6pm?
  15. How the hell will we bathe two big cow-sized dogs at the same time? Right now we take Le Moo to a do-it-yourself doggy wash (they clean up! totally worth $15), but alone she’s a handful. Now we’ll have TWO that need bathing??
  16. Having to monitor both dogs out in the yard until they either get used to each other or we have to make other arrangements. Esp when I’m feeling poorly. Ugh.
  17. These things all above, especially when I’m feeling poorly.
  18. Feeling guilty when I don’t have the energy to give as much attention as I think they deserve, especially when I’m feeling poorly.
  19. What if we don’t actually *like* her? I have an issue of not being able to connect with dogs right away…or maybe it’s an expectation that I should connect with the dog right away and when I don’t I figure I won’t ever. Hmm. I don’t think I particularly connected to SP right away, and I know I didn’t connect with Le Moo very quickly. I, in fact, cried about adopting Le Moo both before we decided to adopt her and after we adopted her (for quite some time). Pretty sure that was a grief thing from the loss of SP and knowing I’ll never have her back again.

So my problem really is that I now have 3 weeks to sit and stew. And worry. And be anxious. And every time I do anything, I think of how much harder it might be with a new dog in the house. But I done done it to myself. I’ve already checked to see that I have two whole appointments with T between now and A-day (arrival day), so at least I’ll have someone to attempt to calm me down. And fortunately for me, she’s a dog person, so she’ll understand. One of the appointments is actually ON the day of arrival, but several hours earlier. She’s so going to get an earful on that day.

Woof. Oy.

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Posted by on May 19, 2013 in anxiety, dogs, Le Moo, worry list

 

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