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Went to the doctor

09 Apr

Yeah, don’t get all excited. I went into the past weekend (sorry, this is posting later than it was written) with a sebaceous cyst acting up. I’ve had three that I recall in my lifetime. The first one scared the crap out of me because it grew pretty fast and was incredibly painful. It was under one arm and in a pretty lousy place. I went to the doctor (same doctor as today btw, even though I don’t love her) who sent me home saying the cyst hadn’t gotten infected enough yet. WTF. She told me to go home and come back when it was big and ugly and gross, and had a head on it. W.T.F. But like an idiot, I did. And when I went back to her, she gave me a local and cut the fucker open. It was so bad she had to pack it with gauze and I had to go back multiple times to have it cleaned and re-packed. Not a pleasant experience, all-in-all. Because I did it in her office, she said she couldn’t get the “pit” of it out, and it would likely recur. It hasn’t as of yet, but I have a little hole in my skin from the “surgery.” Fortunately, hub doesn’t care and neither do I.

The second cyst was on my back kind of up toward my shoulder. I don’t recall what happened with it, but I think it came to a head without being painful. I, uh, drained that one on my own. It was a painful, uncomfortable, bizarre procedure both because it was GROSS and it was in a weird location. It was difficult to reach and required a lot of pressure and a lot of time. I suspect this happened during a period of time where my anxiety wasn’t that bad, otherwise I would have not done it at home without considering that I could have gotten it infected. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the “pit” out of that one either because there’s a little bump that remains. It, also, has remained dormant.

Now I’m on sebaceous cyst number three. This one has been around and quiet for multiple years. I don’t even know how long. But over the weekend it started getting painful, and now is both red and painful. But apparently not red and painful enough for Le Doctore. She poked around and pronounced it “not ready.” Zuh. She wants me to go on anti-biotics to hopefully kill the infection, then consider having it surgically removed at a later date. She doesn’t do it anymore at all, she says. But her preference for ABs was Bactrim. Said I should be feeling better by Monday (it’s Friday IRL). If not, then it’s referral to surgeon time.

As I have said before, not only am I incredibly sensitive to medication, but I also have anxiety. ANXIETY. Over health and medications and food (mostly food reactions/sensitivities). And thanks to Prilosec I am incredibly paranoid about taking any drugs. My go-to for ABs when absolutely required is a Z-pack, because I know my response to it. At least, I think I do. But she said Bactrim was broader based, better for those nasty “super-bugs” (OMG did you just say that to a health-anxiety ridden person?), and less likely to cause side effects. So like a doormat, I said, “Okay.” I did ask her about Z-pack, but she said Bactrim would be better.

Hub brought me home from the doctor (RX sent directly from dr office to pharmacy) and said he’d pick up the RX after work. Meanwhile, my throat has started to ache. Hub has been sick for over ten days…a nasty one. That has meant no hugs, no kisses, no sharing hand towels, lots of hand-washing… So I’m not sure if the throat is because I had a swollen gum and it’s just extended to the throat, or if I’m starting with allergies that I’ve never had before but am susceptible to…or if I’m getting sick. So I’m thinking, okay, Bactrim will zap that cyst infection AND knock out whatever might be boiling in my throat. And I tell hub on the way home from the doctor that I’m going to struggle not to look up Bactrim on Google. It’s not good for me, it really isn’t. And I’ve done pretty well over the past couple of months.

But listen people, I’m human, you know? And I feel the paranoia creeping over me, so I do it. I type “Bactrim side effects” into the damn Google search engine. And I don’t even have to click on a page because I see it all in the search results….anxiety, paranoia, panic attacks, racing heart, palpitations. ZOMG. So I type in “Bactrim anxiety” and I open one page. And it’s ALL OVER FOLKS. People telling me they’re not feeling recovered from the anxiety and paranoia and panic even after months off the medication. I know, I know, I’m a bad girl. But the thing is, if there’s a side effect, I’m likely to get it. And I’m already fucking prone to anxiety and panic, I do not want to do it to myself, on purpose, with full knowledge of the potential.

Did I mention my therapist is on vacation at the beach? Ye-ah.

So after hemming and hawing, I call the doctor’s office and tell them to send in a prescription for z-pack. I haven’t decided if I’ll take it (by now I either did or didn’t) or not, but I did do some research on the sebaceous cyst. People have suggested Castor Oil to draw out the head on the cyst, and to help it drain. I figure I’ll try that and see what happens. Of course, that doesn’t address the throat thing, but I have dealt with that in the past by gargling (and drinking) apple cider vinegar and honey mixed in warm water. It’s gross, but it does work for me most of the time. I already started that regimen, so hopefully that’ll help me without the ABs.

Good news, my blood pressure was disgustingly normal. That’s pretty unusual for me at the doctor’s office. And my pulse was a very nice number…also not usual for me in the doctor’s office. I get white-coat syndrome, and should have had it full force considering I really thought Le Doctore was going to slice and dice that cyst right there in the office using lidocaine and epinephrine (of which I also fear–the epinephrine, not the lidocaine). So that was strange for me. I am starting to suspect the blood pressure deal is because I’ve lost a good amount of weight over the last three years (don’t get all happy for me, it’s mostly been because of diet restriction because of illness–although it’s not like I’m wasting way over here). So hey, good blood pressure and pulse, go me. This is the third time I’ve registered so nicely in some not-so-nice situations, so I’m almost starting to believe that it’s a real number for me. Almost.

We’ll see how this all turns out. Either the cyst will be alleviated without ABs or with. Either I’ll take the ABs or not. Either the throat will hurt or it won’t

Funny, my nutritionist called so we could discuss the anti-biotics. Normally she’s against them because they fuck with your “gut” and that’s what we’ve been trying to heal because my tummy’s all in trouble. And when my tummy is all in trouble, it affects every other damn system in my body. ANYWAY, she said if I (and Le Doctore) feel I should be on the ABs, to go ahead and do it. But I get to anti-whammy it by upping my intake of probiotics. And as I’m on with my nutritionist (who is also a nurse), hub messages me to say my RX for z-pack ain’t in yet, and might not be until tomorrow. *sigh* Hey, at least I’ll get to try to castor oil without feeling guilty that I didn’t start the ABs.**

Wow, this wandered around, didn’t it? If I remember, I’ll come back and drop an update as to what happened. Although, maybe I will have already blogged about it. Gotta love the scheduler on wordpress…blog one day, publish two days–or weeks–later. Fun!

(I feel like I sound chipper, but the truth is, I’m annoyed and frustrated. I hate feeling sick, no matter what kind of “sick” it might be. I feel like I’ve spent way too much of my adult life feeling “sick” in some way. Grrr.)

**Sad to report castor oil didn’t work…did absolutely nothing but make my skin feel softer. Actually kind of felt like it burned a little, but that really could have been the rubbing of the gauze pad against the sensitive skin of the cyst. Meanwhile, due to miscommunication, doctor didn’t put in my RX for z-pack until Monday morning. Hub picked it up after work and I submit to it tonight after dinner…when hub is here and can sit and stare at me to make me comfortable taking pills. I hate taking pills, I always worry about having a reaction because I had a bad reaction to an anti-depressent thirteen years ago given to me for pain relief. I never take a new medication unless hub is home with me and can sit with me for at least an hour. It sucks. I do have experience with the z-pack in previous years, but it makes no difference…I cannot be alone to start a new course of medication.

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